My journey with Kundalini, Shakty, the Organic Light Within
Kundalini (kuṇḍalinī, Sanskrit: कुण्डलिनी) literally means coiled. In yoga, a "corporeal energy" - an unconscious, instinctive or libidinal force or Shakti, lies coiled at the base of the spine. It is envisioned either as a goddess or else as a sleeping serpent, hence a number of English renderings of the term such as 'serpent power'. The kundalini resides in the sacrum bone in three and a half coils and has been described as a residual power of pure desire.from Wikipedia.
The word kundalini is wrapped in secrecy and mysticism. It is tied up in various practices and traditions and in the Western world, due to the Osho following, it has become synonomous with sex and sexual practices.
Kundalini training is done in the tradition and lineage of spiritual gurus and secrecy is the number one priority. Why that is I am still not clear. Maybe because the practises can be misunderstood. But then I believe that knowledge is power and that when people are informed, they will not misinterpret nor misunderstand these practices and they will be empowered. And empowered people are not so susceptible to being exploited and misguided.
My journey with kundalini started when I was 17. I only realised this 20 years later. It was a long and at times very painful and lonely journey. During this time I trained as a spiritual healer and qualified in many modalities, started a healing practise, a wisdom school, a training school for spiritual healers, trained in shamanic practises, followed many many paths and finally, trained as a shaktipat guru and a tantra yoga guru. My transformations and awakenings were marked by traumatic events - nothing graceful about any of it! I learned through facing many things that I really did not want to face and suffered while I resisted.
Everything has only fallen into place and the pieces of the puzzle has made a wonderful clear divine picture, the last year of my life. I have finally and completely left the wilderness and I now feel ready to share this journey with you. I would like to help you understand the symbols, the context, the concepts and the hidden meaning of Kundalini, Goddess and the Light Within. It is a very practical and physical journey. There is no separation between you and Spirit - it is all you. Every human being is awakened, but unaware of this. And buried in this unawareness, are all the beliefs and superstitions and misconceptions and often this ignorance is exploited by gurus and teachers for their own purposes and their own agendas of personal power.
My journey is now at year 51, so I will share it with you here in stages. It will not be written in chronicle order, but in a circular way, the creative way.
While I was going through all these phases and stages, I did not know what was happening and no-one could enlighten me or liberate me. Awakening and its unfolding is such a personal matter and also shaped through the direct experiences and perceptions of the personality. I also found that all the books that I read, was virtually written in a 'code'. None of those that I read referred to Kundalini and her powerful and transformative power. But then those were the books that I were drawn to and today i can see how She guided me in a wonderful roundabout way to get to know her intimately and to live her, before introducing me to the concepts.
If you have been following my story on these blog pages or on my other blogs (see the links on the front page of this blog) then you will know that I entered life as a highly sensitive and psychic human being. I have always been drawn to the occult, mysticism, naturopathy and anything mysterious and unknown and alternative. I explored tarot and astrology after I left school - these were not encouraged while I was still living at home - and I always retained my ability to see auras and energy and my strong prophetic powers.
At the age of 17 everything changed for me. I went through a very painful traumatic event, one which I buried very deeply in my subconscious, only to be remembered again when I was 36. This had a huge impact on my energetic system and indeed awakened my kundalini. I suffered many symptoms for years and then finally suppressed them all in order to focus on my career. This chapter in my life deserves a full chapter in this story and I will write more about it later on.
I became caught up in the material world of career and it was only after I had my first two children and I became a full time mother that things started stirring again. I became ill. For three years I was in and out of hospital. The doctors could not establish what was wrong with me. I regularly passed out or had incredibly high temperatures and fits brought on by the fever. But without an infection to treat. I started looking for answers and help and started to study herbs and alternative remedies and thus the spiritual pursuit started.
A few years later I began a meditation practice in all earnest. I meditated daily for about an hour and I studied pranayama (breath control meditation) and a variety of types of meditation.
I joined a meditation group under the guidance of a Sai Baba devotee. At the very first session that I joined in, various extra-ordinary phenomenon took place. A wind started blowing in the room, the curtains billowed (although the windows were closed and there was no wind in the room), an incredible smell of vanilla like baked cookies, filled the room. It was noticeable to everyone. None of us had any real esoteric knowledge or knew too much about energy, but we knew that this was out of the ordinary.
Very soon into the meditation I started seeing the colour blue and this became blue glass bottles, blue tiles, and very detailed images of blue glass. Again, not one of us had a clue what this means and presumed that I had an over-active mind. Soon, these visions became faces and then these faces started speaking to me. I started to read up about these phenomenon and learnt that the smell of vanilla and the blowing wind are both signs of the presence of Spirit. Some called it the Holy Spirit or angels. Blue coloured glass is a symbol of the presence of Archangel Michael. And indeed, very soon after that Archangel Michael and many of the Ascended Masters started to make contact with me. For a few years I spent a lot of time channeling their messages and this was how I came to put my course Freedom through Love together and also my healing system which was called Shekinah Healing.
My life was co-ordinated by synchronicity and clues. I was guided in dreams to find the right books in the exact places as described in my dreams. I would dream the cover of a book and its entire index of contents. I would 'download' entire lectures for my students - often writing right through the night or being woken up at four in the morning.
These were very intense inner times and I experienced incredible pressure within. I often suffered from severe depression and crying spells that would last for weeks. At times I felt very abandoned and isolated. I also often felt that I was caught up in an alternative world, almost like Alice in Wonderland, and that I could not communicate my experiences to others. I did try, but obviously, it is different for the one listening to the story. I never felt 'grounded' nor completely present and I also had this very expanded awareness, seeing way beyond the physical.
About a year after I started studying spirituality and meditation, my meditations changed. Where others had to be persuaded to meditate, I was almost obsessed. I spent hours in my small meditation room, absorbed into myself. Sometimes I was given symbols, which i wrote down. Sometimes I was given guidance about my life and sometimes I was shown events as on the surface of a water well.
But mostly I was drawn deeper and deeper into this state of no-thingness. The type of meditation that I naturally followed, was the one-pointed focus meditation of complete nothingness. I used my breath to let go and to clear the mind and then I just allowed the process and it was an experience of absolute complete freedom and bliss - of being nowhere, but still present, of pure awareness. These early days of pure awareness really helped me later on in my journey when the hard work of clearing the subconscious started!!
Then my meditations changed. I started experiencing physical sensations during meditation. I had no idea how to deal with these. I also struggled to get any input from any other meditators - no-one had any advice or information about what is happening to me. These physical sensations became more intense and insistent and they became incredible sexual energy rising in my body. This really stumped me. All my Christian training and conditioning of believing in saints, purity, and the separation of sex and God, flooded into me. I felt so confused and became hesitant to meditate. I started visiting alternative therapists, and my word, was I bombarded with theories!
I was told that there was a curse on my sacral chakra; that I carried all kinds of memories and energies in my sacral and solar plexus energies indicating all types of abuse of power and so on. In hindsight, and as my journey unfolded, I could see what they based their prognosis on, but I now also know the full picture and what I was given was a distorted piece of the puzzle. But then, all is as it should be, and this was also what I needed to intensify my quest.
At more or less the same time, strange things started happening around me. My printer would go on and off and flash 1:1:1 incessantly. I would wake up at night, in the room next door, and hear the printer turning on and off, moving its carriage back and forth and beeping those numbers. This continued for months. My electric garage door would open and close, so would the electric gate. At times oranges would fly off my coffee table. And then the fires started. Four spontaneous fires started in my house. I still own two of the small tables that caught fire. In each case it was an ornamental fabric angel that caught fire : twice in my bedroom.
At this stage I related everything in my life to angels. In hindsight, I now know that this kept me locked into a purist, separatist way of thinking and it also kept me in an intellectual way of looking at life and spirituality. One by one, angel ornaments in my house broke. At that stage I had been A Course in Miracles teacher for five years and I had just celebrated my fortieth birthday. I think every student of mine brought me an angel ornament as I was absolutely obsessed with angels.
In a matter of one week about 25 angels broke. Wings fell off, angels fell from the wall, the cleaning lady knocked one over and so the list continued.
During this time my psychic senses expanded and honed. I started seeing 'blue' and 'grey' beings, not only glowing angels of light. I was working as a spiritual healer and I could no longer ignore the darkness in people's auras where disease was stuck or the bitter emotions and pain that they carried with them and that kept them in a painful spiral. And on the morning of 11 September 2001 as I was standing in my healing room, a 'curtain' opened and i saw the most incredible sight of pain, people crying, desperation and an all-pervading darkness. I also saw beings which i could only describe as 'demons'. And this was an incredible awakening for me. I have never believed in 'demons' or the darkness, as such. I had completely immersed myself in ACIM and a positive thinking, idealistic world where only angels existed. A few hours later on the television i watched the scenes of the Twin Towers collapsing and I recognised my vision.
In that moment, the penny dropped. I am being told something! I need to look elsewhere. I am being called onto a different path.
...... She calls me to make drastic changes in my life! I felt that I have to leave everything as I knew it - close down my healing practise, my wisdom school and withdraw from the world! and then only did she introduce herself. The next chapter will follow tomorrow.
thank you for reading and please come back for the rest of the story. blessings on you.