Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Call to Prayer for Water by Dr Masaru Emoto

Please send your prayers of love

<>and gratitude to water at the nuclear plants in Fukushima, Japan!

By the massive earthquakes of Magnitude 9 and surreal massive tsunamis, more than 10,000 people are still missing, even now. It has been 16 days already since the disaster happened. What makes it worse is that water at the reactors of Fukushima Nuclear Plants started to leak, and it's cont aminating the ocean, air and water molecule of surrounding areas.

Human wisdom has not been able to do much to solve the problem, but we are only trying to cool down the anger of radioactive materials in the reactors by discharging water to them.

Is there really nothing else to do?

I think there is. During over twenty year research of hado measuring and water crystal photographic technology, I have been witnessing that water can turn positive when it receives pure vibration of human prayer no matter how far away it is.

Energy formula of Albert Einstein, E=MC2 really means that Energy = number of people and the square of people consciousness.

Now is the time to understand the true meaning. Let us all join the prayer

ceremony as fellow citizens of the planet earth. I would like to ask all

people, not just in Japan, but all around the world to please help us to find a way out the crisis of this planet!!

The prayer procedure is as follows.

*Name of ceremony:*

Let's send our thoughts of love and gratitude to all water in the nuclear plants in Fukushima.

*Day and Time:*

March 31st, 2011 (Thursday)

12:00 noon in each time zone

*Please say the following phrase:*

The water of Fukushima Nuclear Plant, we are sorry to make you suffer.

Please forgive us. We thank you, and we love you.

Please say it aloud or in your mind. Repeat it three times as you put your hands together in a prayer position.

Please offer your sincere prayer.

Thank you very much from my heart.

With love and gratitude,

Masaru Emoto


Messenger of Water


Saturday, March 26, 2011


Vesta and the Vestal Virgins

Whilst in Rome, I went to the ancient city. I had one mission and that was to visit the temple of Vesta and her Vestal Virgins. In my seeking through the years I learnt that my name derived from Hestea (my grandmother's name). Hestea is the Greek counterpart of the Roman Vesta.

Two years before this trip, my daughter Claudia was born. She came nine years after her brothers and after so many things in my life had changed and she arrived in the wake of many new beginnings. After her birth one night, as I sat breastfeeding her in the soft light of the night, I had one of many visions of previous lives. Some were very clear, others were more impressions and feelings sensed.

In this vision I was buried alive. I know that many people have these kinds of memories or dreams or visions and that it was part of the history of mankind. After this vision some physical symptoms that I had been struggling with for a long time, disappeared!

When we arrived at the ancient city of Rome we discovered that we could not get to the temple of Vesta as major renovations were going on. I was determined though and paid a small fortune to enter the gardens above the renovations and climbed a very very steep hill. From there I could look down and see glimpses of the temple and the remainder of the statues. There was a row of statues of the priestesses ( all headless) and only the last one was still intact. However, her pedestal was defaced and the name scratched out. On my way down, I picked up a small leaflet about the temple of Vesta. Watch this video for more on the vestal virgins :

But what was an important clue for me in my adventure, was that one of the vestal virgins converted to christianity. She did this in secret, but was discovered. She was buried alive and her name was Claudia.

To me this is part of the Mystery. I do not believe nor disbelieve in the theory of reincarnation, past lives and karma. To my heart, it does not really matter. The puzzle never fits completely and nothing is as simple as a linear interpretation of cause and effect; neither are our experiences ever a direct product of what we do : we do not make things happen; they happen through us.

But more importantly, Archangel Michael and Vesta pointed me to the Tor in Glastonbury : with its Tower of Michael and two saints on either side of the arch, Saint Michael and Saint Brigid, the Irish counterpart of Vesta/Hestea.

blessings till next time
may Beauty accompany you


Blessing as a way of life.

As I started to write this story, my mind, the taskmaster, started to make its usual noises. So I decided to take a breather and to listen. And so I did. I remembered the following.

That we are not separate. That the spaces between us are not 'empty', but filled with the blessings of who we are and who we are becoming. The eye has been trained to see our bodies as separate things, but at the same time our minds are very aware of the rich inner world, the experiences, the divine imagination and the passion that lives within. Never do these experiences 'belong' to one, but to all. Obviously we have our personal experiences seen through our personal lens. But in sharing our stories we evoke awareness and spiritual community. In sharing our stories, we remind one another that there is a world of between-ness (to use the word of John O'Donohue, the Irish poet) and that this is a blessing in itself.

Our stories are so complex, we can never write it all. Often, more is said by that which is left unsaid and the Mystery lives in the world of between-ness.

When we allow the cold, rigid intellect to own our stories, then the hidden will die. That which lives in the Otherworld and in Unseen, only exists when they are seen and heard by the Awareness of our Soul. And only through Soul can our potential lives be lived to its fullest extent and passion.

Thus the personal journey of individuation and remembering, becomes the thread and the cloth of blessings for all.

It is possible to live life as a blessing and it is also known as Love or Beauty. These are words that have become mere shadows of their true meaning; rather fancy than imagination, in the words of Kant.

Rumi says : Let the beauty we love be what we do / There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

And my favourite poet and author John o'Donohue says : when we awaken to the call of beauty, we become aware of new ways of being in the world. We were created to be creators. At its deepest heart, creativity is meant to serve and to evoke beauty. Beauty is a free spirit and will not be trapped within the grid of intentionality. In the light of beauty, the strategies of the ego melt like a web against a candle. With swift, sheer grace, it is like a divine breath that blows the heart open.

And, so with an open heart I will continue with my story, sharing with you the deep footsteps that Beauty left on me, taking me into the Heart of Eros.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Miracles and other wondrous tales

Miracles and other wondrous tales

Before I embark on the next stage of the story, I would like to fill you in on some of the background leading up to this point in my life - this point where I realised that I am being asked to leave my father's house, metaphorically. I suppose some of it is my attempt to defend my resistance to what was to follow.

Such is the nature of our humanness. We become attached and invested in our lives and the way things are.

I was always known and I came to know myself as that, as the girl with the imagination and later in life, the over-sensitive girl. I have memories from very early in my life : from before I could walk. I can remember sitting on my mother's arm and feeling her fear and nervous tension. I can remember the exact detail of where we were standing, which way I was facing and what we were looking at. I can remember the texture of her clothing. I have checked all these details with her many times during the past years, always much to her amazement. I c an remember seeing a ghost for the first time. I was eighteen months old. I can remember speaking to my best friend who lived in the pink house behind us, much to my mother's chagrin, as there was no house, well, according to her. I can remember my frustration with her. This became a key element in my adult life - frustration.

I can remember speaking to the little people in the garden AND I remember clearly not to do so in front of my father who became very angry and impatient with all this nonsense.

But the most vivid memories, which sustained me through the tumultous years, were the ones of my Core. I do not have the words to describe this to you. Then I had no real separate sense of this knowing. I knew myself as an expanded 'being', an awareness and a knowing, which I in later life called Faith. From a very young age I regarded myself, Hettienne, as a character in a fairy tale and this Faith or Awareness used to 'oversee' her and her story, mainly through visions and dreams. When I felt particularly lost or overwhelmed, She would give me a dream or a vision of a fairy tale character which would soothe me, I suppose. It was not as though my intellectual mind grasped the significance of the archetype of the fairy tale, or the symbology. It was more a feeling of 'it's ok', this is the way it is and there is a divine unfolding. Also, a very real sense of detachment from the fairy tale and all these characters.

In my most of my visions and dreams, I was Snow White, usually in the coffin with the glass lid. I could see those outside of the coffin, but they could not hear me and they thought I was 'dead'. As I have said earlier, I felt like Alice living in Wonderland, never lost, but unseen and unknown to those living outside of Wonderland, and this feeling persisted through my entire life, until a few years ago, when everything became integrated.

I had one of my most powerful visions at 13. This vision became my North Star and through the years of seeking, I searched for a full understanding of its power and grace.

I was lying on my bed staring at the tiny little yellow flowers on the wallpaper next to me. I was lying on the bottom bunk. As I stared up, a scene formed. It was a dark night. I was outside. I was standing on a beach. I could hear the waves and smell the ocean. I could see the moonlight reflecting on the silver in the water. There was an enormous red full moon in the sky (a blood moon). I was one of a circle of women. They were all adults, I was the only young one.
We all wore black clothing with hooded capes. The wind tugged at our clothes. I felt a sense of excitement and also some awe. The moment felt heavy and laden with anticipation. There was an incredible presence amongst us.

One woman, clearly the leader of this group, was stirring an enormous black cauldron. Inside was a deep red liquid. She poured some of the liquid into a ceramic cup and held it up to the sky before passing it to the first woman. As the first woman drank the liquid, I could see her swallow, and I merged with her. I became her throat, her swallowing, but most of all, I became her memory. I merged with her life and her memories and her experiences became mine. In that moment, I became generations of women who walked this earth and I knew what they had known and what others after me will know. This process continued. Each woman ahead of me in the circle were given the chance to drink the red liquid. Until it was my turn. I was the last one in the circle.

She turned and looked at me. Her eyes are still burnt into my memory. She said ' and you : drink this poison and find the cure'. I can remember suddenly feeling afraid and laden with a sense of responsibility, almost a burden and an injunction, that I cannot escape. And NO idea what she meant.

And this vision became the wheel of my wagon as I set off into life looking for answers, wanting to know what did she mean? what is the poison she referred to and what is the cure? During my opening welcome at the Goddess Conference that I organised in 2009, I shared this vision with the audience, and indeed, She was the cure.

the miracle of the Presence of the Dove in my life /...

Friday, March 18, 2011

My journey with Kundalini Shakty, the Organic Light within - part 1

My journey with Kundalini, Shakty, the Organic Light Within

Kundalini (kuṇḍalinī, Sanskrit: कुण्डलिनी) literally means coiled. In yoga, a "corporeal energy"[1] - an unconscious, instinctive or libidinal force or Shakti, lies coiled at the base of the spine.[2][3][4] It is envisioned either as a goddess or else as a sleeping serpent, hence a number of English renderings of the term such as 'serpent power'. The kundalini resides in the sacrum bone in three and a half coils and has been described as a residual power of pure desire.[5]from Wikipedia.

The word kundalini is wrapped in secrecy and mysticism. It is tied up in various practices and traditions and in the Western world, due to the Osho following, it has become synonomous with sex and sexual practices.

Kundalini training is done in the tradition and lineage of spiritual gurus and secrecy is the number one priority. Why that is I am still not clear. Maybe because the practises can be misunderstood. But then I believe that knowledge is power and that when people are informed, they will not misinterpret nor misunderstand these practices and they will be empowered. And empowered people are not so susceptible to being exploited and misguided.

My journey with kundalini started when I was 17. I only realised this 20 years later. It was a long and at times very painful and lonely journey. During this time I trained as a spiritual healer and qualified in many modalities, started a healing practise, a wisdom school, a training school for spiritual healers, trained in shamanic practises, followed many many paths and finally, trained as a shaktipat guru and a tantra yoga guru. My transformations and awakenings were marked by traumatic events - nothing graceful about any of it! I learned through facing many things that I really did not want to face and suffered while I resisted.

Everything has only fallen into place and the pieces of the puzzle has made a wonderful clear divine picture, the last year of my life. I have finally and completely left the wilderness and I now feel ready to share this journey with you. I would like to help you understand the symbols, the context, the concepts and the hidden meaning of Kundalini, Goddess and the Light Within. It is a very practical and physical journey. There is no separation between you and Spirit - it is all you. Every human being is awakened, but unaware of this. And buried in this unawareness, are all the beliefs and superstitions and misconceptions and often this ignorance is exploited by gurus and teachers for their own purposes and their own agendas of personal power.

My journey is now at year 51, so I will share it with you here in stages. It will not be written in chronicle order, but in a circular way, the creative way.

While I was going through all these phases and stages, I did not know what was happening and no-one could enlighten me or liberate me. Awakening and its unfolding is such a personal matter and also shaped through the direct experiences and perceptions of the personality. I also found that all the books that I read, was virtually written in a 'code'. None of those that I read referred to Kundalini and her powerful and transformative power. But then those were the books that I were drawn to and today i can see how She guided me in a wonderful roundabout way to get to know her intimately and to live her, before introducing me to the concepts.

If you have been following my story on these blog pages or on my other blogs (see the links on the front page of this blog) then you will know that I entered life as a highly sensitive and psychic human being. I have always been drawn to the occult, mysticism, naturopathy and anything mysterious and unknown and alternative. I explored tarot and astrology after I left school - these were not encouraged while I was still living at home - and I always retained my ability to see auras and energy and my strong prophetic powers.

At the age of 17 everything changed for me. I went through a very painful traumatic event, one which I buried very deeply in my subconscious, only to be remembered again when I was 36. This had a huge impact on my energetic system and indeed awakened my kundalini. I suffered many symptoms for years and then finally suppressed them all in order to focus on my career. This chapter in my life deserves a full chapter in this story and I will write more about it later on.

I became caught up in the material world of career and it was only after I had my first two children and I became a full time mother that things started stirring again. I became ill. For three years I was in and out of hospital. The doctors could not establish what was wrong with me. I regularly passed out or had incredibly high temperatures and fits brought on by the fever. But without an infection to treat. I started looking for answers and help and started to study herbs and alternative remedies and thus the spiritual pursuit started.

A few years later I began a meditation practice in all earnest. I meditated daily for about an hour and I studied pranayama (breath control meditation) and a variety of types of meditation.

I joined a meditation group under the guidance of a Sai Baba devotee. At the very first session that I joined in, various extra-ordinary phenomenon took place. A wind started blowing in the room, the curtains billowed (although the windows were closed and there was no wind in the room), an incredible smell of vanilla like baked cookies, filled the room. It was noticeable to everyone. None of us had any real esoteric knowledge or knew too much about energy, but we knew that this was out of the ordinary.

Very soon into the meditation I started seeing the colour blue and this became blue glass bottles, blue tiles, and very detailed images of blue glass. Again, not one of us had a clue what this means and presumed that I had an over-active mind. Soon, these visions became faces and then these faces started speaking to me. I started to read up about these phenomenon and learnt that the smell of vanilla and the blowing wind are both signs of the presence of Spirit. Some called it the Holy Spirit or angels. Blue coloured glass is a symbol of the presence of Archangel Michael. And indeed, very soon after that Archangel Michael and many of the Ascended Masters started to make contact with me. For a few years I spent a lot of time channeling their messages and this was how I came to put my course Freedom through Love together and also my healing system which was called Shekinah Healing.

My life was co-ordinated by synchronicity and clues. I was guided in dreams to find the right books in the exact places as described in my dreams. I would dream the cover of a book and its entire index of contents. I would 'download' entire lectures for my students - often writing right through the night or being woken up at four in the morning.

These were very intense inner times and I experienced incredible pressure within. I often suffered from severe depression and crying spells that would last for weeks. At times I felt very abandoned and isolated. I also often felt that I was caught up in an alternative world, almost like Alice in Wonderland, and that I could not communicate my experiences to others. I did try, but obviously, it is different for the one listening to the story. I never felt 'grounded' nor completely present and I also had this very expanded awareness, seeing way beyond the physical.

About a year after I started studying spirituality and meditation, my meditations changed. Where others had to be persuaded to meditate, I was almost obsessed. I spent hours in my small meditation room, absorbed into myself. Sometimes I was given symbols, which i wrote down. Sometimes I was given guidance about my life and sometimes I was shown events as on the surface of a water well.

But mostly I was drawn deeper and deeper into this state of no-thingness. The type of meditation that I naturally followed, was the one-pointed focus meditation of complete nothingness. I used my breath to let go and to clear the mind and then I just allowed the process and it was an experience of absolute complete freedom and bliss - of being nowhere, but still present, of pure awareness. These early days of pure awareness really helped me later on in my journey when the hard work of clearing the subconscious started!!

Then my meditations changed. I started experiencing physical sensations during meditation. I had no idea how to deal with these. I also struggled to get any input from any other meditators - no-one had any advice or information about what is happening to me. These physical sensations became more intense and insistent and they became incredible sexual energy rising in my body. This really stumped me. All my Christian training and conditioning of believing in saints, purity, and the separation of sex and God, flooded into me. I felt so confused and became hesitant to meditate. I started visiting alternative therapists, and my word, was I bombarded with theories!

I was told that there was a curse on my sacral chakra; that I carried all kinds of memories and energies in my sacral and solar plexus energies indicating all types of abuse of power and so on. In hindsight, and as my journey unfolded, I could see what they based their prognosis on, but I now also know the full picture and what I was given was a distorted piece of the puzzle. But then, all is as it should be, and this was also what I needed to intensify my quest.

At more or less the same time, strange things started happening around me. My printer would go on and off and flash 1:1:1 incessantly. I would wake up at night, in the room next door, and hear the printer turning on and off, moving its carriage back and forth and beeping those numbers. This continued for months. My electric garage door would open and close, so would the electric gate. At times oranges would fly off my coffee table. And then the fires started. Four spontaneous fires started in my house. I still own two of the small tables that caught fire. In each case it was an ornamental fabric angel that caught fire : twice in my bedroom.

At this stage I related everything in my life to angels. In hindsight, I now know that this kept me locked into a purist, separatist way of thinking and it also kept me in an intellectual way of looking at life and spirituality. One by one, angel ornaments in my house broke. At that stage I had been A Course in Miracles teacher for five years and I had just celebrated my fortieth birthday. I think every student of mine brought me an angel ornament as I was absolutely obsessed with angels.

In a matter of one week about 25 angels broke. Wings fell off, angels fell from the wall, the cleaning lady knocked one over and so the list continued.

During this time my psychic senses expanded and honed. I started seeing 'blue' and 'grey' beings, not only glowing angels of light. I was working as a spiritual healer and I could no longer ignore the darkness in people's auras where disease was stuck or the bitter emotions and pain that they carried with them and that kept them in a painful spiral. And on the morning of 11 September 2001 as I was standing in my healing room, a 'curtain' opened and i saw the most incredible sight of pain, people crying, desperation and an all-pervading darkness. I also saw beings which i could only describe as 'demons'. And this was an incredible awakening for me. I have never believed in 'demons' or the darkness, as such. I had completely immersed myself in ACIM and a positive thinking, idealistic world where only angels existed. A few hours later on the television i watched the scenes of the Twin Towers collapsing and I recognised my vision.

In that moment, the penny dropped. I am being told something! I need to look elsewhere. I am being called onto a different path.

...... She calls me to make drastic changes in my life! I felt that I have to leave everything as I knew it - close down my healing practise, my wisdom school and withdraw from the world! and then only did she introduce herself. The next chapter will follow tomorrow.

thank you for reading and please come back for the rest of the story. blessings on you.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Freedom through Love

Freedom through Love

Surrrendering to God (the Unknown and Unknowable) requires an unwavering faith and trust in the Absolute Goodness of God.

Surrender is the key to unveiling the Truth of Oneness, so why would the mind not allow you to surrender instantly? The obvious answer is ‘fear’, but then, fear of what? Fear of God. The fear of God is implicit in the creation of a seemingly separate human mind – one that has its own personal perceptions based on personal experience. Therefore a very valid point of view, seen from the mind’s perspective, to not willingly surrender to that which is Unknown and Unknowable – would you not agree?

The mind cannot know God and that is where the problem lies. As long as you rely on your mind and its perceptions based on its own limited belief systems, you will not even be able to contemplate the nature of God. The direct experience of God will give you the taste of what you are seeking – it will satisfy the yearning of your heart and the longing of your soul. You will not be able to explain God in words or concepts and this is because God is not an idea! God IS. God IS at all times, whether you are consciously aware of this or not. God IS.

And the paradox is that the more you empty your mind, in order to step into the IS, the more you will get to know your mind and the less attached you will become to its content and belief systems.

How do you empty your mind and start this journey on a daily basis? There are various forms of meditation, but it is not necessary to move into an ashram, or to withdraw from life and to acquire vast meditation skills. In fact, when you do any of the above, you are creating another belief system and really, to know God, you have to step into a life ‘beyond belief’. You have to let go of all belief systems, so be conscious of which new belief systems you are creating.

It can be as simple as becoming aware of each and every moment. Take fifteen minutes in the morning and fifteen minutes at night (before sleep) and sit with your breath. In this time, focus on the in and out breath. No pranayama, no manipulation of the breath, just a rythmic breath. As you breath in and out, be present and be aware, be willing to BE WITH the breath, and to be with yourself and thus to be with God. Yes, to be with God! as you, without judgement, without the need to improve yourself, without goals, without striving, just BE. It is said that God is closer than your own breath. In the Hindu tradition, the God Shiva (Siva) is an anagram of Vasi (breath) – surely you can see that there is a message here. God is not a separate entity ‘out there’; neither is God a being, limited to duality and good and bad. God IS. And only you can know God, by knowing yourself.

As you become conscious of the moment, you will become conscious of certain thoughts and feelings. Do not fight these. Do not engage these. These are all part of the ‘story’; the story that you wrote and continue to write about yourself. Let them arise to the surface of the mind like bubbles and let them be. ‘This too shall pass’. It may take a while to trust the process, but eventually the clouds will start to clear. You may not have any immediate insights, but you will notice new feelings, a new sense of lightness, a more positive outlook, and so on.

The truth is that you are not separate from God. God is both within and without. God is everything. Even by using the word God I am projecting a series of beliefs and adjectives in your mind, but to communicate, we need words. You can replace the word ‘god’ with Love, or Peace, or Christ, or Goddess, or Light. Most of these have already been claimed by spiritual and religious traditions, so once again, you are limiting your knowledge of the Divine. So there is only one way, and that is to go beyond – to go beyond the mind.

In The Cloud of Unknowing, a work by an unknown Christian monk, he says that the mind creates the Cloud of Unknowing, which obscures the knowledge of God and in order to clear this cloud, you have to put everything else into the Cloud of Forgetting.

This is a wonderfully simple analogy for exactly how I am with and know the Self.

The mind likes to and wants to understand and interpret, in order to organise, structure and mainly to control. The mind believes that when things are not going according to its plans and goals and expectations, that it is doing something wrong. You, as servant to the mind, then start to ‘do’ in order to bring seeming order back to the chaos. But chaos is needed to create, so unless, you can allow the chaos, you can not live a creative life, and your inner world will become a wasteland. You will feel trapped by external routines and seemingly limited choices. As long you try to interpret and understand, you are analysing and ‘filing’ and adding to the ‘story’. You always have a choice whether you look at a glass as half-full or half empty. You have the same power when it comes to writing your story. You can have exactly the same childhood as someone else, but based on your perception, your personality, your expectations, you will write a different story about your life and more importantly, about yourself, than someone else. But eventually, you only become a character in this story, and you are written by the story line that you set in motion a long time ago. Your choices become limited, your reactions become predictable and the people that you attract in your life, are all seemingly the same character, just in different dress-up every time. These characters are usually the Big Bad Wolf, or the Evil Stepmother or the jealous Ugly Stepsister or the Fisher King and so on.

So, how to change the story? How to undo the storyboard and how to step off the page? Through surrender.

Surrender does not mean that you just ‘give up’ and become downtrodden and despondent and despaired – well, sometimes it does. But not for this exercise.

To understand the meaning of surrender in this context, please visualise a triangle. See the one leg of the triangle in the ‘negative’ and the other leg of the triangle in the ‘positive’ and then see the apex of the triangle in the centre, high above it all. The apex of the triangle I like to call ‘High Thinking’ (the Absolute, Union, Unity Consciousness, at-one with God). All three points of the triangle is ‘true’ for you, the human being. You are standing with two legs in duality and your Soul is in God. If you keep your head in God as well, whilst going about your daily life, in full acceptance of everything as IS, you are living in surrender. And then you are holding the golden key to Self-Realisation.

Remember, life is energy before it is matter. So make sure that whatever you are giving energy to, really matters.

Thoughts and emotions are prayers, sent without end, setting your intent and ‘want’ to your Higher Self.

So, place your story and all its characters, into the cloud of forgetfullness. Leave it behind. Let it go. Over and over. Put down that heavy suitcase, throw out the baggage, and walk away, mentally and emotionally and step into Freedom. All of this is possible through Love.

This will mean that you suspend all judgement. When something happens to you, you step into the witness, into the apex of the triangle and you observe yourself. You observe your reactions, the feelings of pain and hurt, or anger and explosiveness. You do not have to fight or resist these feelings. You accept them. It is our resistance to our feelings that cause the suffering. Suffering is on-going pain and repression. When you allow yourself to feel the pain, the be at the centre of the feelings, without resistance and without fear, they will dissolve. Like mist in front of the Sun! You will most probably not be able to stay in the witness in the beginning, but you can go back to your High Throne in the Sun. When you become aware that you are fully engaged in flurry and intensity of the feelings, then you can return to the apex of the triangle, without judgement of self. When you release all judgement of the self that is still in the thick of the duality, compassion will enter its space.

The first time true acceptance and compassion floods your heart and being, it washes your mind of the fog and a sweetness, such as only known in love at first sight, enters your being. This absolute sweetness is Love, God, and ultimately your True Self. Once you have known this sweetness, this incredibly tender, absolute Love, you will want more and more. And your subconscious will find the way to deliver more to you!

Remember, through surrender, you are activating the principle of Love. The Principle of Love, is God, the Soul, Christ Consciousness, Guru (disspeller of darkness). The Principle of Love is intelligent and its goal and ultimate destiny is your Self-Realisation! It wants you to wake up from the nightmare and to participate fully in this Experience. Once Love has been activated, It will take control as much as you can allow. It will become your Guru, your Guru, your Lover, your Beloved and your divine Parent and It will bring you exactly what you need at all times.

So do not put off surrender. Take the risk. It is said that when you jump off the cliff, thousands of angels will be there to provide wings for your flight. Step into Freedom, over and over, and eventually you will remember and it will be a constant state of Love!

Awake to Pure Joy

Awake to Pure Joy!

Spiritual teachings can become very esoteric and confusing at times. I have often experienced that when I have an illuminating insight or a-ha moment, that I say, but it is so simple and so obvious : I knew this all along! Having said that, I do realise that that is the essence of awakening, "I knew this all along', but I persist in my optimist thinking that if someone explains it really well and clearly to you, you will be able to drop everything, pick up your bed and follow the Master Within.

And indeed, I have been privilege to witness this many times in my journey as teacher and healer.

When I was still engaged in a spiritual pursuit, I often became confused with the whole positive thinking attitude. It used to feel like denial or 'pretending'. And indeed, one of my mottos used to be 'fake it till you make it'. I also found it confusing that sages teach that the duality is an illusion and that there is Oneness beyond this world. None of this seemed to have much effect on my chronic and debilitating depression. I often became so entangled in my own mind and its struggles to figure this paradox out, but I could not conquer this dark teacher of mine. And indeed, that is the secret! You are not meant to conquer the dark teacher, but you are to 'give up', surrender, hand over. When you accept that whatever you are battling is bigger than you, and that you cannot overcome it with your own ego-mind and your personal willpower and control, and that indeed you need a Power greater than yourself, then you are enabling the divine power. That is the moment that the tide will start to turn. In that moment you understand your own limitations and by implication that there is an unlimited power available to yourself.

It is pointless to get involved in the word play of but "I am God' or All is One or there is no power outside of myself. Until such knowledge is true Knowledge (a divine knowing that is your essence), the mind will use these concepts to strangle you and drag you down into the quagmire of despair.

Whilst the ego-mind is still involved in duality, there is no such thing as neutral thinking. At that stage it is all a concept for the mind and concepts, as liberating as they may seem, are the mental prison creators. You cannot think in oneness or advaita. Oneness or Advaita is a consciousness, a state of being and once it is established, the perception and experience of duality falls away. This does not happen in the blink of an eye, but takes time to unfold and to be integrated by the self.

So, back to false neutrality. In duality, everything is in opposites. And you have to choose. Not choosing is opting out!! You have to participate, otherwise choices will be made for you and you will become a victim of the mass consciousness and your boat will be dragged down with the prevailing tides. And this is one of the places where your personal power comes in : choose positive and expansive and all-embracing!

What does it feel like when you are in the awakened radiance of life? It is joy, pure joy! And everything is experienced as 'positive' for the lack of a better word. In fact, negative just does not exist.

And now the next part will explain why spiritual teachings can be so confusing. In simple language, it is 'what came first, the chicken or the egg'. Or the symbol of the ouroboros, the snake eating its own tail, often symbolises for me what is so difficult to put into words. Cause and effect, beginning and end, are not linear. The one does not lead directly to the other, or follow on the other.

For instance, are you feeling depressed because of something that happened to you, or are you feeling depressed because of your own thinking and years of conditioned beliefs and habits (those constitute the ego-mind which is discernible in your aura). The answer is probably both, but which came first. And this is virtually impossible to identify. You are born to a set of parents, then you are raised by parents, guardians, a society, a culture, a religion and so on. You are in a body that is imprinted with seven generations of tendencies and DNA. You go through painful and traumatic experiences which imprint you with defensive beliefs and habits. And so the odds are stacked against you.

However, this 'parcel' is your daimon, your sacred opponent, your lucifer. When you can accept and eventually know that you are not walking alone, that your Soul and your daimon are one and the same, everything changes. Duality drops away. There is no difference between light and dark. They both serve you.

Without a challenger or opponent, you would not participate with such vigour and intent. How often would you do real deep soul searching if you were not unhappy or miserable. When things are not going your way and you feel frustrated and anxious?

Our dark side, or our shadow, are a part of our sacred selves. It is not something to be resisted or despised. Our needs and passions, are that which attracts us down the path of life, and eventually into the heart of Love and awakened joy!

We are the two faces of Janus. We are the dark and the light. We are happiness and unhappiness. Accepting this duality is the first step to awakening. When you stop resisting and defending against your lucifer*, you enable the self-limiting concept of separation to dissolve. By giving up the war on yourself, and the way things are, you become freed from rigid control.

Your essence is happiness and joy. Your essence knows itself as both pain and pleasure. And paradoxically, your efforts to make this happen, becomes your greatest obstacle. Your greatest power lies in letting go of your ideas of how things should be. Distance yourself from the ego-mind and its demands, and become the witness. Every day, despite how hard it is, participate in life through life-affirming thoughts and actions. Reach out to others and touch their lives in whatever positive way you can. Remind yourself that life is fragile and unpredictable and not to be taken for granted. Move into hope and trust that joy will soon be yours. This is your power and the smallest ray of hope mobilises the divine forces of love.

*lucifer is the word for a match - it means bringer of the light - when you strike a match in the darkness, you can see.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Living by Grace

Living by Grace

Most people start the journey towards awakening to their true selves in an attempt to escape their current state of mind or to heal the body. In the beginning various tools are applied, such as affirmations, releasing techniques and various other modalities, but then eventually, the truth dawns, that actually you are only re-arranging the furniture! Carlos Castanedas said that when you wake up and you realise you are in the house of the mind, do not waste time exploring the various rooms, get out of there as fast as you can! Well, that is one approach. But ultimately, we are walking between worlds and we have to learn to live with the tension of the opposites. This constitutes the middle road – that of living by Grace. (This was discussed in more detail in my previous blog Freedom through Love)

The ego or man-made mind, is the only thing that stands between you and the direct experience of God. In order to live by Grace and to live in freedom, you need to let go of your need to suffer and to receive Love in every breathing moment! I agree that when you first read this sentence, you tend to react, what utter nonsense, who chooses to suffer willingly and knowingly? But the mind, through its conditioning and its ‘learning’ chooses suffering most of the time.

It revels in its own sense of suffering. The mind identifies with the story of ‘me’ and ‘me’ cannot exist without the story! Thus it is easy to become so enmeshed in the story that it becomes your identity and all of who you think you are. When in actual fact, you are not the story and you need to remember who you are.

The truth is that you are never separated from God. Your True Self is the one behind the web of the mind. Your mind is your active opponent when it engages in self-rejection, self-deprecation, criticism of the self, breaking down your self-esteem and filling you with thoughts of not being good enough, not lovable, and so on. So now you are probably thinking to yourself, well, I know that is the problem; how do I change it?

First of all, change your belief system. At first you may need blind faith. Blind faith in an ever loving Presence that has never abandoned you and has never rejected you. Accept that you in fact do not know the true nature of the divine Presence. All that you think you know about it, you have acquired through the perception of your experiences and thus your conditioning. The mind wants to keep you safe and protected against re-experiencing any painful feelings. Thus it contracts and armours itself and does whatever it takes to keep you from revealing yourself, or from taking any emotional risks. But when you apply the mind in its higher function of self-enquiry and you follow the bread crumb trail back to the origin of the thought and the belief system, you will find that your mind’s reasoning is absolutely crazy! There is no logic and no rationale. It is a story woven and fabricated by your mind and it will most probably not even make sense to anybody else. So this is where Carlos Castanedas’ statement makes so much sense. Why do you want to spend time unravelling the many, many stories that your mind created? It is so much simpler to merely jump from the plane, knowing that you carry a parachute and free float down to a new reality.

Obviously this is not as easy as I make it sound, but with consistent effort this is well within your reach. At first it is difficult to do as you now have to break a life long habit. A habit of being angry, or feeling justified in your behaviour, or feeling sorry for yourself. Although these habits seemingly give you power and often has become the driving force and motivator in your life, they do not serve you – in fact they are your master and you serve them – thus, you are not free to reach your fullest potential, nor are you free to be happy, just for the sake of being happy.

The mind will have you know that as long as you are an imperfect human being, you cannot Realise your Oneness with what Is. But this is not true. You are both a human being and at one with God. No-one can really define the terms awakening, enlightenment and Self-Realisation, Christ Consciousness and so on. As long as you tie yourself to a belief system or a tradition or a religion, you are tied to certain requirements for awakening or enlightenment, but ultimately, this is a process of becoming less of you and more of You! And you are the only one who knows your inner world and who knows God Within. Everyone else can only know God in their own way. So the moment you rely on others’ words or experiences, you are separating yourself from true knowing and you will also doubt and discount your direct spiritual experiences.

All disease of the body is created by the mind, ultimately. This is a tough one to assimilate and swallow, but your thoughts, your belief systems, your incessant prayers are creating your body. This does not mean that you must overcome all disease and that unless you do so you are not perfect or ‘good enough’ to know God. That is exactly the nature of the thoughts of the mind that drives you toward the notion that you have to heal your life. You do not have to heal your body, nor your life. You need to desire God and only God and everything else will be taken care of.

What does it mean to ‘desire God’? It means that you accept that there is a Principle of Love – complete, unconditional and infinite Love. That this Love Principle is Perfection and that its power is omnipotent and omnipresent. You accept that ultimately your will is God’s Will and God’s Will is your will and that God’s Will is only Love. So, I suppose you have to believe that your mind is not in control, it has never been in control and that personal willpower will not get you what you want!! And then by implication, this means that ‘your will’ is not the personal will of the mind. And mostly, we only get to this point in our consciousness and awareness, through hardship and suffering, and often through disease of the body! So we have gone full circle, back to disease of the body.

You can choose to look at disease or challenges in your life as signs of ‘not doing it right’ or ‘not being aligned’, or whatever terminology the mind choooses to use. OR you can look at it from the perspective of LOVE, and that is that All Is As It Should Be at all times. You may not understand, you may not be able to see the bigger picture, but knowledge of God and the true nature of Love, will set you free to accept and surrender at all times. And through acceptance and surrender, the resistance dissolves and thus the mental pattern that created the disease in the first place.

Many alternative therapies do work for a while. I suppose they satisfy the mind that believes that it needs to understand, before it can surrender and let go. But in my personal experiences and in healing experiences with many others that I have worked with over the years, true breakthrough has always taken place when the person has accepted that no matter of self-improvement is going to fix the problem.

You see, you do not need self-improvement. You are innately whole. You entered this world in absolute innocence and wholeness. And then the journey started. And the pain that you felt, was the pain of believing you are separate from God, that you had been abandoned by God. And these feelings were created because this world cannot validate your Christ Self. So, when you looked into the eyes of another, you could not see your True Self reflected back at you. Nowhere could you see evidence of your innocence and your purity. Your True Self was rejected in experiences with others. When you revealed your exuberance, your absolute Self-absorbed happiness and joy, it was labelled as inappropriate; your pleasure in the beingness of your physical body may have been called perverse. In many different ways, your Being were rejected. And this is the truth for all human beings, in varying degrees.

When you find someone that you resonate with, your experience is always one of ‘he/she gets me’, they understand me, they ‘see’ me. But sooner or later, this is no longer true and problems start in the relationship. Do not look for acceptance in the eyes of another. As you are learn that you are so much more than your story and so much more than others’ reflections, and you start to gain this conviction, you become the Grace.

Once you realise this, you can start the journey of true acceptance and surrender : accept that you will never understand all they whys and wherefores; accept that you cannot know God with your mind and surrender to Grace. Living by Grace enables you to live in joy and total freedom despite the ‘story’ and the mind’s attempts at keeping you tied to your story.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Living in Duality is an act of Love

Living in duality is a wonderful gift that we have given to ourselves and it is not something that need be ‘overcome’ or ‘transcended’. There are schools of thought that teaches that maya (the illlusion of duality) should be left behind as fast as we can. But in my experience, it is through the immersion of ourselves into the body and its sensory experience, by living our emotions and feelings, applying our mind and ultimately trusting on Higher Wisdom, that we and our experience here becomes transformed into joy.

I can only speak from my own experience and I have learnt that my intense devotive passion, which at times is my greatest challenge and obstacle, has also proved to be my most powerful ally on this journey.

Life for me started out with a heightened awareness and sensitivity. Having been born with clairvoyant abilities, and others all with the prefix of ‘clair’ (meaning clear), life had many layers to it. As these layers were only clear to me and not to those around me, I was quite happy to have my own experience and to live in my own world.

Until my social interaction widened and I learnt that we should label everything. All of a sudden my experiences no longer seemed so clear and my paradise seemed to exist only in my own world. This sense of separation has been my greatest motivator on my spiritual journey. At first, I did not realise that this was what I was looking for – albeit sometimes in the weirdest places.

It is actually all very simple. If we could allow ourselves, and of course, if our social training and conditioning could have been such, as to allow us, to have simple trust and faith : both in the Divine in whatever form or non-form and in OURSELVES. The key is to know that I Am God That I Am. And that this is not reserved exclusively for the saints and holy persons and neither does this mean that you know it all, or that you have full access to the Divine Mind and can know all the Mysteries.

But it does mean that you are not separated and has never been. It does mean that your very soul is of the same fabric as the Divine and that ‘i’ is actually ‘I”. This also implies that you have been given a treasure of potential power and strength which is mostly never mined in this life.

The separation is created by your own beliefs, by what you believe about the world and about yourself, how you see yourself, by the attachment and investment to your own personal identity. A Course in Miracles make it so beautifully simple : there are only two feelings : Fear or Love. And whichever you choose, will determine your experience, your world and your destiny.

Choosing Love means that you have to choose the improbable, miracles and the ‘other’, with that I mean you will be going against the ways of your culture, your society and probably, your family. It means that you will have to forgive and forgive, every moment of every day. You will have to forgive yourself, your society, your culture, your gender, and mainly, you will have to forgive the Divine for putting you here in this ‘divine comedy’ which at times do not seem funny at all!

You may fight and scream and resist, until you Realise that there is no getting off this bus. You can participate or you can sit this one out, but you have nowhere else to go, so you may as well make the most of it??

Your most powerful tool is to get to know yourself and your own nature. When you know yourself, you Know God. How do you get to know yourself? By doing the great work – unpleasant and painful at times. It calls for great courage to face your own darkness and shadows. It calls for inner strength to face your greatest fears. It calls for deep compassionate love, starting with yourself, for everything!.

Make time every day for contemplation and meditation. Just start. Set aside 20 minutes every day and gradually increase this. Find a cd for a guided meditation until you have the hang of it. As you withdraw from the senses and the stimulation of the physical world, and you enter that deep silence within, you come closer to knowing God the formless. Meditation acts like a deep cleanse. It purifies the mind of its attachments and its never ending desire for stimulation and possession of experiences. It releases you from your identity and the personality with all its traits and characteristics. It rewires your nervous system and creates new neural pathways in the brain. In other words, it is a rebirth.

Set time aside to journal every day. As you express those unspoken feelings and thoughts, they are seen. Once they have been acknowledged, they are in your awareness, and the Light of your Spirit will illuminate them through your conscious awareness and they can be burnt away in the fire of acceptance.

Observe yourself. Distance yourself from your personality. Remember that your personality is a collage of your conditioning, your experiences, your belief systems, your childhood, your parents, etc etc. You are not your personality so let go of your identification of it.

You are not your identity. You are not the roles you are fulfilling at this time in your life. All of these can change in the blink of an eye and you will still exist. Life teaches us through change, so be willing to change in every second and every minute, without attachment.

Have many tools in your toolkit. Use your mind and apply yourself to your own inner world. As much energy as you spend in doing your job well, or taking care of your family, or creating masterpieces, apply that same passion and energy to your own inner world. Love creates the form and not the other way around. That means that you first imagine and believe something to be true before it manifests in your life and in your world. You are the king of your own kingdom : it is your duty to control your own mind.

Extend yourself to others. It is through extension of the self that we truly learn to know the Self. Face your fears of rejection, of being judged, of looking like a fool and reach out to others. Live vulnerable. When we are vulnerable, our hearts are open and we treat others and ourselves with sensitivity. The ego’s greatest weapon in its arsenal against You, is its ability to desensitize you. It has the power and ability to turn you into an automaton, a virtual zombie. You feel so overwhelmed by your suppressed feelings and fears, that you start to cut off from your inner voice, you close your heart and effectively closes down your sensitivity and compassion and become so focused on fulfilling your own needs, that you become oblivious to everything else. You do things without questioning them; you accept the norm without pause.

A good example is becoming a vegetarian. I am confronted about being vegetarian as it makes others feel uncomfortable, as though they are being judged for their own carnivorous eating habits. But we do not feel the impact of another’s judgement unless that voice echoes in our own inner voice. Pay attention to this in future. When someone says something that you absolutely have no attachment to, you just wave it away and never think about it again. But when they touch a nerve, you become defensive and upset. I always reiterate with the question ‘have you been to an abattoir? Can you witness the process of animals reared for slaughter from the day of their birth? Can you stand to watch them cooped up in the smallest spaces, never seeing the sun or feeling the earth under their feet? and then can you watch them being slaughtered? Well, I cannot.

Love is a state of being; it is both dynamic and receptive in order to birth. Love is not an object or a sentiment or even a feeling. Love is not good or bad. Love Is. It is the very fabric of ourselves and our existence. It exists but it is invisible and living in duality gives us the opportunity to make Love visible and to give it Life.

You are Love and the voice of Love lives within you. She whispers to you in every moment and guides you in every action. Whether you pay attention or not, that is your choice and your power. Ultimately She has all the answers for you and those answers are not buried in spiritual traditions, nor in the authority of others, nor in their lives. But in your own heart and soul. Your life may appear small to others and your name may not be written in footlights, but your every action is Love in action.

Whether you express it positively or negatively; whether you experience pain or joy; whether you spread happiness or grief; you are Love in action. Love does not judge. Love does not condemn. Love is unconditional. In the world of duality, we have been given the illusory power of making something good or bad and of harming or helping another or ourselves. But ultimately, behind the veil of Maya, none of it is True. The Truth cannot be named, nor explained or described. The Truth can only be known by you. You may Know it as a resonance within, or a sound within. Either way, what you Know as your Truth, that Is so. And the more you Know Truth, the deeper you will want to immerse yourself in Truth. Thus the journey is never at an end. And it can only be experienced and shared whilst in duality.

Thus we are all at various stages of Knowing Truth and lots of confusion arises because everyone speaks of and teaches from their place of knowing the truth. But the ultimate Truth can only be known by yourself in your own inner kingdom of Love.