Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Call to Prayer for Water by Dr Masaru Emoto

Please send your prayers of love

<>and gratitude to water at the nuclear plants in Fukushima, Japan!

By the massive earthquakes of Magnitude 9 and surreal massive tsunamis, more than 10,000 people are still missing, even now. It has been 16 days already since the disaster happened. What makes it worse is that water at the reactors of Fukushima Nuclear Plants started to leak, and it's cont aminating the ocean, air and water molecule of surrounding areas.

Human wisdom has not been able to do much to solve the problem, but we are only trying to cool down the anger of radioactive materials in the reactors by discharging water to them.

Is there really nothing else to do?

I think there is. During over twenty year research of hado measuring and water crystal photographic technology, I have been witnessing that water can turn positive when it receives pure vibration of human prayer no matter how far away it is.

Energy formula of Albert Einstein, E=MC2 really means that Energy = number of people and the square of people consciousness.

Now is the time to understand the true meaning. Let us all join the prayer

ceremony as fellow citizens of the planet earth. I would like to ask all

people, not just in Japan, but all around the world to please help us to find a way out the crisis of this planet!!

The prayer procedure is as follows.

*Name of ceremony:*

Let's send our thoughts of love and gratitude to all water in the nuclear plants in Fukushima.

*Day and Time:*

March 31st, 2011 (Thursday)

12:00 noon in each time zone

*Please say the following phrase:*

The water of Fukushima Nuclear Plant, we are sorry to make you suffer.

Please forgive us. We thank you, and we love you.

Please say it aloud or in your mind. Repeat it three times as you put your hands together in a prayer position.

Please offer your sincere prayer.

Thank you very much from my heart.

With love and gratitude,

Masaru Emoto


Messenger of Water


Saturday, March 26, 2011


Vesta and the Vestal Virgins

Whilst in Rome, I went to the ancient city. I had one mission and that was to visit the temple of Vesta and her Vestal Virgins. In my seeking through the years I learnt that my name derived from Hestea (my grandmother's name). Hestea is the Greek counterpart of the Roman Vesta.

Two years before this trip, my daughter Claudia was born. She came nine years after her brothers and after so many things in my life had changed and she arrived in the wake of many new beginnings. After her birth one night, as I sat breastfeeding her in the soft light of the night, I had one of many visions of previous lives. Some were very clear, others were more impressions and feelings sensed.

In this vision I was buried alive. I know that many people have these kinds of memories or dreams or visions and that it was part of the history of mankind. After this vision some physical symptoms that I had been struggling with for a long time, disappeared!

When we arrived at the ancient city of Rome we discovered that we could not get to the temple of Vesta as major renovations were going on. I was determined though and paid a small fortune to enter the gardens above the renovations and climbed a very very steep hill. From there I could look down and see glimpses of the temple and the remainder of the statues. There was a row of statues of the priestesses ( all headless) and only the last one was still intact. However, her pedestal was defaced and the name scratched out. On my way down, I picked up a small leaflet about the temple of Vesta. Watch this video for more on the vestal virgins :

But what was an important clue for me in my adventure, was that one of the vestal virgins converted to christianity. She did this in secret, but was discovered. She was buried alive and her name was Claudia.

To me this is part of the Mystery. I do not believe nor disbelieve in the theory of reincarnation, past lives and karma. To my heart, it does not really matter. The puzzle never fits completely and nothing is as simple as a linear interpretation of cause and effect; neither are our experiences ever a direct product of what we do : we do not make things happen; they happen through us.

But more importantly, Archangel Michael and Vesta pointed me to the Tor in Glastonbury : with its Tower of Michael and two saints on either side of the arch, Saint Michael and Saint Brigid, the Irish counterpart of Vesta/Hestea.

blessings till next time
may Beauty accompany you


Blessing as a way of life.

As I started to write this story, my mind, the taskmaster, started to make its usual noises. So I decided to take a breather and to listen. And so I did. I remembered the following.

That we are not separate. That the spaces between us are not 'empty', but filled with the blessings of who we are and who we are becoming. The eye has been trained to see our bodies as separate things, but at the same time our minds are very aware of the rich inner world, the experiences, the divine imagination and the passion that lives within. Never do these experiences 'belong' to one, but to all. Obviously we have our personal experiences seen through our personal lens. But in sharing our stories we evoke awareness and spiritual community. In sharing our stories, we remind one another that there is a world of between-ness (to use the word of John O'Donohue, the Irish poet) and that this is a blessing in itself.

Our stories are so complex, we can never write it all. Often, more is said by that which is left unsaid and the Mystery lives in the world of between-ness.

When we allow the cold, rigid intellect to own our stories, then the hidden will die. That which lives in the Otherworld and in Unseen, only exists when they are seen and heard by the Awareness of our Soul. And only through Soul can our potential lives be lived to its fullest extent and passion.

Thus the personal journey of individuation and remembering, becomes the thread and the cloth of blessings for all.

It is possible to live life as a blessing and it is also known as Love or Beauty. These are words that have become mere shadows of their true meaning; rather fancy than imagination, in the words of Kant.

Rumi says : Let the beauty we love be what we do / There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

And my favourite poet and author John o'Donohue says : when we awaken to the call of beauty, we become aware of new ways of being in the world. We were created to be creators. At its deepest heart, creativity is meant to serve and to evoke beauty. Beauty is a free spirit and will not be trapped within the grid of intentionality. In the light of beauty, the strategies of the ego melt like a web against a candle. With swift, sheer grace, it is like a divine breath that blows the heart open.

And, so with an open heart I will continue with my story, sharing with you the deep footsteps that Beauty left on me, taking me into the Heart of Eros.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tremendum Mysterium

Tremendum Mysterium

The terrible and awesome mystery

Your face is veiled

Shielded from prying minds

You cannot be known

By reason, study or dissection

Tear the veil in impatient intellectual pursuit

Tear the Soul, rip her apart

Cast aside the tendrils

Of gossamer heavenly silk

Oh mysterious One

Both tremendous in your action and being

I tremble in front of your arched gates

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Goddess, Shakty, Kali-Ma

Goddess – She who Is

Silently, gently

She treads on my heart

Moving quietly

Up my womb

Teasingly she awakens me

Hears my secret desire

Pleasure is mine, she says

Use it to worship me

Bring to me your deepest mystery

And it will release you into the temple of love

Passion fills your tender spaces

Love wing around your heart

Her strong and powerful wings

Wakes you up from your slumber

Eros arise

He who is divine

Filled with the knowing

Of the union within

Medusa of Light

I have a flower in my heart,

which blooms with Love.

Each petal is inscribed

with a gift for you.

Tiny is the seed,

ready to sprout

burrowing its roots deep

into my feet.

Throbbing, warm, alive.

Pulsating unseen,

breathing with the rhythm of Love.

She spreads her roots.

Her trunk is formed.

The Cosmic Tree Woman

reaches out to the moon and the sun.

Her branches


sweeps across the stars

hands filled with Light

claiming her own divinity.

She bridges the worlds

of night and day.

Lazily twined,

slithering amongst her leaves,

hair writhing,

live the serpents of light.

Filled with divine knowledge

of truth and might,

snaking in and snaking out.

Reaching out,

spreading far and wide,

pure potential,

gloriously wrathful,


she is the Medusa of Light.

Archangel Michael, wayshower and animus

So today I would like to pick up where I left off .

At that stage I had been practising as a spiritual healer for a number of years. At the same time I was teaching ACIM to a group of women. Eventually the ACIM lessons was replaced by the teaching Freedom through Love and I was guided towards the Gnostic texts and the Nag Hammadi Library.

 And here I discovered The Gospel of Mary and the Pistis Sophia. I started to explore the idea of the Soul as feminine consciousness and the understanding of the goddess; firstly as psychic archetype and secondly as a conscious being.

Slowly, but surely my inner world turned upside down. I discovered authors like Marion Woodman and other Jungian authors; I delved into Jean Bolen and Jean Houston's work and immersed myself in the power of myth.

My dreams became another world : a world filled with sound and symbology and speaking beings. I dreamt of the old woman, the old man, those with branches for hair and I dreamt of the snake that devours me, night after night.

It is also during this time that my meditations changed. No longer could I sit in a confined space and focus on the no-thing. No longer did my meditations provide a peaceful haven. Within myself an incredible force surged up as soon as I sat down to meditate. This force had the power of desire and the heat of suppressed energy and I was scared to unleash it. I found a book by Leslie Kenton (it had an angel wing on the cover and this made me feel secure about trying it :)) on shamanic rituals and especially the power of drumming and working with a rattle. So I journeyed into the inner world to meet this force within myself; this force that is disrupting my life and the way that I see and understand things; this force that had no respect for the intellectual and tidy psychological understanding of my own subconscious.

In the inner world I met a woman. I understood her to be Persephone and I travelled with her on many occasions. Through her eyes I came to understand that I had an entire inner world that has been locked up: that there is a hades which I have to explore and that I will be guided through this epic adventure! I did not always experience it so poetically, I can assure you. At times I was filled with fear and confusion.

The only way that I could explain to myself what I was experiencing, was to translate these experiences into 'theatre'.

Freedom through Love then started to focus on archetypal goddess teachings and I formed a small theatre group with my women. I later incorporated these mythological dramas into the course work and we re-enacted the Underworld journey of Inanna, the abduction of Kore, Pandora's box and others. One of these, Psyche and Eros, were filmed and broadcast on Free Spirit, a local TV program.

At this stage Archangel Michael was still my personal guardian - since that first meditation when he made himself known through all the blue glass. An Italian client of mine, Michele, brought me a beautiful Michael statue with blue stained glass. As he placed the statue in my hand, I exclaimed, 'where does this statue come from? I have to visit this place'.

And this was the turning point. I had reached the sacred crossing of the three paths, without realising it and by making this statement, I had made a choice and a commitment.

After this, the demand from within to take a sabbatical from my practise and wisdom school, became more and more insistent. There was no avoiding it; I KNEW I had to give it up. In exchange for the unknown. And it took me two years to finally let go. Two years of resisting this decision and two years of really struggling to maintain the energy.

I followed up with Michele about the little Italian village where I felt Archangel Michael had guided me to and decided to visit - maybe hoping to find a different option for myself.

Every year, during the weekend of 23 September, the annual Michael feast day is held in Monte Sant Angelo in the district Puglia of Italy. In this ancient village, clinging to the side of Italy, is the grotto where Archangel Michael appeared in the year 460.

The story goes as follows :

St. Michael the Archangel first appeared at Monte Sant'Angelo in 490. According to tradition, it all started when a local nobleman named Elvio Emmanuele lost the best bull of his herd. After much searching, he found it kneeling in a cave. Unable to approach it, Elvio shot the bull with an arrow, but the arrow turned around and struck the man instead.
Bewildered (and presumably bleeding), Elvio went to see his bishop, who ordered three days of prayer and fasting. At the end of the three days, St. Michael the Archangel appeared to the bishop and said:

I am Michael the Archangel and am always in the presence of God. I chose the cave that is sacred to me. There will be no more shedding of bull's blood. Where the rocks open widely, the sins of men may be pardoned. What is asked here in prayer will be granted. Therefore, go up to the mountain cave and dedicate it to the Christian God!
(It is perhaps notable that the central ritual of the Roman cult of Mithraism is the shedding of bull's blood in caves.) The bishop, however, began to worry about his own sanity and dismissed the vision. Two years later, the Christian city of Siponto, part of the bishop's diocese, came under attack by the pagan city of Odoacre. Again St. Michael appeared to the bishop, this time promising to save the city of Siponto. Immediately, a violent storm engulfed Odoacre, saving the Christian city. In thanksgiving, the bishop led a procession to the top of the mountain but did not dare to enter the cave.

Soon, Michael appeared to the bishop a third time, ordering him to enter the cave. He said:
It is not necessary that you dedicate this church that I have consecrated with my presence. Enter and pray with my assistance and celebrate the Sacrifice. I will show you how I have consecrated this place.

The bishop then entered the grotto, where he found an altar covered with a red cloth, a crystal cross, and a footprint on the ground. The bishop thereupon commissioned a chapel to built at the entrance to the cave and did not consecrate it because Michael had already done so. The church came to be known as the Celestial Basilica.

St. Michael made another appearance here in 1656 during a great plague. The local bishop invoked St. Michael for protection, and the archangel appeared to him. The plague then ceased, and the mountain shrine became more popular than ever.

The sanctuary has been a popular place of pilgrimage for many centuries: St. Francis of Assisi, St. Bernard of Clairvaux, St. Bridget of Sweden, St. Gerard Majella, St. William of Vercelli and six popes have made the pilgrimage here to ask for St. Michael's protection.

Today, the Sanctuary of Mont San Michele has been built above this cave and Mass is still being held here.

So, in September of 2001 I travelled to Mont Sant' Angelo for the week's celebrations. Mont Sant'Angelo is part of the Gargano pilgrimage route and I visited the Sanctuary of Padre Pio where I witnessed the most beautiful miracle. My travel companions were witness to my experience and years later this event also fell into place. I will explain later.

I absolutely loved Mont Sant' Angelo and the pomp and splendour of a Catholic festival (my first), but I did not receive the answer I was hoping for. I also visited Rome and the Temple of the Vestal Virgins and the magnificent Santa Chiara Cathedral in St Assisi. Saint Clare was the one that provided me with some direction for the way forward and she supported me often in the future.

So, I came home and I broke the news to my students. At that stage I had three separate groups of women students (for the three levels of Freedom through Love) and also some internet students. I also had to break the news to my clients. This in itself was quite an adventure as it was received with mixed reactions. But I knew I could no longer avoid the Call.

And then I truly entered the Underworld. This was not my intent. My intent was to take a sabbatical, spend my days exploring journalling and some other crafts that I played with and to meditate often and work in my garden. But that was not part of Her plan for me.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Dove - symbol of the Holy Spirit, Kundalini and Goddess

So we are still meandering through the forest, collecting the clues that Life left for me. I promise you that each and every part of the story that I share here with you, links back to Kundalini, to the Presence of Love within each one of us and to my personal guide and Beloved, Mary.

Very little is known about kundalini other than by direct experience and gnosis. Kundalini only became part of my vocabulary four years ago and only then did I Realise that all these miracles and manifestations of the Presence in my life, was indeed the presence of Kundalini. And that the knowledge of kundalini has always been hidden, in plain sight, in all religions of the world.

In the early days of my spiritual quest, I formed a small weekly meditation group with other spiritual teachers and healers - to serve as a support group for ourselves. During this time I was very aware of the presence of a woman (in the spiritual dimension) wearing blue and white linen clothing. She was veiled and had the most beautiful glowing face and gentle manner. My one clairvoyant friend did suggest that this may be Mary, but neither of us took it seriously. My friend was raised in a very rigid conservative church and was still trying to free herself from many of her limiting beliefs and intense fear of meditation and anything alternative.

My own focus was on the esoteric teachings of certain of the Ascended masters as described by the Theosophists. I spent much time researching Madame Blavatsky and her teachings of Master R, Dwal Kuhl and other eastern masters. And indeed, this was where my focus was : East. And then, of course, ACIM, does not include Mary, nor any other female masters. It is based on the male trinity of the christian Bible. AND on top of it all, I was raised in an Afrikaans Dutch Reformed christian culture and society : the Roman church was classified as one of the real dangers of our modern world. The one was communism and Russia, and the other the Roman Catholic church - my father loudly and often pronounced them as the 'Rooi Gevaar', the Red Danger. So there was absolutely no possibility that Mary would hang out with me, as romantic as this may have seemed.

I started a small weekly gathering at my house. The size of the group grew and grew until we were too big for the sitting room. We moved out onto the patio of the house. The informal gathering turned into a weekly Course in Miracles class and this is when the appearances of the doves started.

At first I often noticed a dove sitting at the window when I meditate. Sometimes the dove would peck on the glass. At other times it would fly repeatedly against the window pane, making a huge noise with the flapping of its wings.

Then an extraordinary appearance of the doves. The roofed in patio runs the length of the front of my house and it had no side walls and was open to the front facing into the garden. We sat around the length of the three tables that I put next to one another to seat the 30 plus women. As we started the morning with a contemplation, first one dove and often a second, would fly in on the one side of the patio and across the table, right through our oval-shaped circle, and out the other side! and then, always, later in the morning, another dove would fly over the table! and often we could relate the appearance of the third dove to what was being said at that point.

This became a regular miracle and event.

And the appearance of the doves grew. At least once a week I had to shoo a dove out of the house. Whenever we left any of the doors open, a dove would fly in. At times, I found more than one dove in the house and my main concern was always to prevent the cats from catching them.

I knew that Divine Spirit was talking to me. No-one could ignore these messengers. I did not know what I was being told. I started doing research on the meaning of doves. It is a very powerful messenger of peace and love. It is a symbol of the Holy Spirit or the Holy Ghost. The dove descended after the baptism of fire - the Biblical reference to the awakening of Kundalini.

The dove was a symbol of Aphrodite, the goddess of Love. she who was born in the sea, the ocean (Mares).

Years later I started painting. One of my first paintings was the blue painting of the Madonna. The image and story is also on my sacred art blog Her Grace.

I left the painting on the easel to dry in the dining room as it is a very sunny room. The next morning there were scattered dove feathers lying around and a dove sitting on the painting. All the doors and windows were locked before we went to bed. Also, if you look closely at the photograph of the painting, you will be able to see that the dove left its droppings on the corner of the painting. These droppings are still on the painting which is now hanging in my bedroom. (I have the most beautiful photograph on my phone, taken a few weeks ago, of a dove sitting on the chandelier in my bedroom)

The rest of my family decided that a window must have been left open. How else can a dove appear in a locked house? I moved the painting on the easel to my studio. This was a four walled room unlike the open plan dining room.

The next morning, when I opened the door of the studio, a dove was sitting on the painting!! This time there was no doubt - all the windows and the door had been shut! The dove had manifested in the room and left another mark on the painting. I had the painting framed and asked the shop not to clean the dove droppings off.

When I got the painting back, I hanged it on the wall in the same dining room. For three mornings after that, a dove was in the dining room. My husband politely asked me to please keep the painting in my studio as the dining room table was covered in bird droppings every morning! No-one needed any convincing that it indeed was Her Spirit and Presence that manifested the dove, her messenger of love and compassion!

Seven years later, I found myself entangled in a spiritual tradition and serving in a spiritual organisation which caused many conflicting and confusing feelings and thoughts. When I look back, it seems almost surreal. I felt mesmerised and enthralled at the same time - much like I would imagine a moth feels when drawn to the flame of a candle which will surely end its life. During this time I knew myself as Persephone, entombed in the Underworld with the powerful and seductive Hades, and I feared that I had eaten more than only three pomegranate seeds. (I blogged a bit about this metaphorical time in my life elsewhere).

I was in an apartment in Dubai, on one of the highest floors of a very tall apartment building. At this stage I was still in the enthralled moth stage of the journey and I sensed danger, but was not sure how to pinpoint the source of the danger. I was there as a guru and healer and I sat in meditation as people came one by one for healing or a prophetic vision or for wisdom. My inner voice told me to open my eyes and as I looked out the window, there was an enormous white dove sitting on the tiny balcony, many feet up in the sky, in the middle of a desert city, looking at me!!

This was an unusual event, as many of those present, reacted with awe and amazement at the presence of the dove.

A few days ago, I unpacked some of my childhood treasures. I found the two books that were the most powerful allies that Spirit gave me for this adventure. The one was 'In this house of Brede' - more about that later, and the other was 'Hansel and Gretel'.

I wrote about the significance of the dove in this childhood keepsake. I post a part of it here - if you want to read the full blog, please read 'Faith" on this blog.

The book is one of those 3D pop up books with bits n pieces that can move! absolute magic, when I was five years old. I have kept this book all these years and today I took it out to use in an art project. .

The one thing that I noticed for the first time is that on each and every page of the book is a picture of the white dove! I cannot recall having noticed it particularly. As I sat with the book and allowed myself to be absorbed into those magical pages again, I allowed myself to fall into a deep state of contemplation, letting go of my adult mind and senses.

I slowly paged through the book and allowed the memories to speak to me. And the little white bird became my guide; it shone with a luminosity and I saw how it formed a thread between the pages. I felt my child's mind and heart resonate with the feelings of Hansel and Gretel (the fairy tale of the book). Their sadness at the plight of their family; their deep feelings of fear at being lost and abandoned in the woods; their horror when they realise that it is a witch that has outwitted them; Hansel's desperation at being locked up and his sister's empathy. And in each of these situations and feelings I found myself. All those feelings were my own. I walked in the darkness with them and throughout it all, the little white bird shone with a message. What is the message? Where is this little white bird taking me? What is it telling me?

I paged to the most horrible and thrilling at the same time, page of the book : where Gretel shoves the witch into the fire! And there the little white bird is sitting on the corner of the oven!
And then it dawned on me : the little white bird (the white dove in fact) is the symbol of Hope and Faith! Even without knowing the symbology, the five year old me knew the meaning of that little white bird.

And nothing has changed. Look around you. Wherever you are, whatever you are going through : the little white bird is with you. It may look different to my white dove, but Hope and Faith's messengers are always with you. That small still voice inside your heart, is also in your outer world. Maybe the messenger comes in the form of a friend with a supportive word; or in a line in a book that really jumps out at you; or a new blossom on the fruit tree or a new song on the radio. There is no separation between your inner and outer worlds.

The Divine Power that loves you unconditionally, leaves bread crumbs for you to guide you back home. Home is that place within yourself, where you feel safe and nurtured. Home within exists at all times.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Miracles and other wondrous tales

Miracles and other wondrous tales

Before I embark on the next stage of the story, I would like to fill you in on some of the background leading up to this point in my life - this point where I realised that I am being asked to leave my father's house, metaphorically. I suppose some of it is my attempt to defend my resistance to what was to follow.

Such is the nature of our humanness. We become attached and invested in our lives and the way things are.

I was always known and I came to know myself as that, as the girl with the imagination and later in life, the over-sensitive girl. I have memories from very early in my life : from before I could walk. I can remember sitting on my mother's arm and feeling her fear and nervous tension. I can remember the exact detail of where we were standing, which way I was facing and what we were looking at. I can remember the texture of her clothing. I have checked all these details with her many times during the past years, always much to her amazement. I c an remember seeing a ghost for the first time. I was eighteen months old. I can remember speaking to my best friend who lived in the pink house behind us, much to my mother's chagrin, as there was no house, well, according to her. I can remember my frustration with her. This became a key element in my adult life - frustration.

I can remember speaking to the little people in the garden AND I remember clearly not to do so in front of my father who became very angry and impatient with all this nonsense.

But the most vivid memories, which sustained me through the tumultous years, were the ones of my Core. I do not have the words to describe this to you. Then I had no real separate sense of this knowing. I knew myself as an expanded 'being', an awareness and a knowing, which I in later life called Faith. From a very young age I regarded myself, Hettienne, as a character in a fairy tale and this Faith or Awareness used to 'oversee' her and her story, mainly through visions and dreams. When I felt particularly lost or overwhelmed, She would give me a dream or a vision of a fairy tale character which would soothe me, I suppose. It was not as though my intellectual mind grasped the significance of the archetype of the fairy tale, or the symbology. It was more a feeling of 'it's ok', this is the way it is and there is a divine unfolding. Also, a very real sense of detachment from the fairy tale and all these characters.

In my most of my visions and dreams, I was Snow White, usually in the coffin with the glass lid. I could see those outside of the coffin, but they could not hear me and they thought I was 'dead'. As I have said earlier, I felt like Alice living in Wonderland, never lost, but unseen and unknown to those living outside of Wonderland, and this feeling persisted through my entire life, until a few years ago, when everything became integrated.

I had one of my most powerful visions at 13. This vision became my North Star and through the years of seeking, I searched for a full understanding of its power and grace.

I was lying on my bed staring at the tiny little yellow flowers on the wallpaper next to me. I was lying on the bottom bunk. As I stared up, a scene formed. It was a dark night. I was outside. I was standing on a beach. I could hear the waves and smell the ocean. I could see the moonlight reflecting on the silver in the water. There was an enormous red full moon in the sky (a blood moon). I was one of a circle of women. They were all adults, I was the only young one.
We all wore black clothing with hooded capes. The wind tugged at our clothes. I felt a sense of excitement and also some awe. The moment felt heavy and laden with anticipation. There was an incredible presence amongst us.

One woman, clearly the leader of this group, was stirring an enormous black cauldron. Inside was a deep red liquid. She poured some of the liquid into a ceramic cup and held it up to the sky before passing it to the first woman. As the first woman drank the liquid, I could see her swallow, and I merged with her. I became her throat, her swallowing, but most of all, I became her memory. I merged with her life and her memories and her experiences became mine. In that moment, I became generations of women who walked this earth and I knew what they had known and what others after me will know. This process continued. Each woman ahead of me in the circle were given the chance to drink the red liquid. Until it was my turn. I was the last one in the circle.

She turned and looked at me. Her eyes are still burnt into my memory. She said ' and you : drink this poison and find the cure'. I can remember suddenly feeling afraid and laden with a sense of responsibility, almost a burden and an injunction, that I cannot escape. And NO idea what she meant.

And this vision became the wheel of my wagon as I set off into life looking for answers, wanting to know what did she mean? what is the poison she referred to and what is the cure? During my opening welcome at the Goddess Conference that I organised in 2009, I shared this vision with the audience, and indeed, She was the cure.

the miracle of the Presence of the Dove in my life /...

Friday, March 18, 2011

My journey with Kundalini Shakty, the Organic Light within - part 1

My journey with Kundalini, Shakty, the Organic Light Within

Kundalini (kuṇḍalinī, Sanskrit: कुण्डलिनी) literally means coiled. In yoga, a "corporeal energy"[1] - an unconscious, instinctive or libidinal force or Shakti, lies coiled at the base of the spine.[2][3][4] It is envisioned either as a goddess or else as a sleeping serpent, hence a number of English renderings of the term such as 'serpent power'. The kundalini resides in the sacrum bone in three and a half coils and has been described as a residual power of pure desire.[5]from Wikipedia.

The word kundalini is wrapped in secrecy and mysticism. It is tied up in various practices and traditions and in the Western world, due to the Osho following, it has become synonomous with sex and sexual practices.

Kundalini training is done in the tradition and lineage of spiritual gurus and secrecy is the number one priority. Why that is I am still not clear. Maybe because the practises can be misunderstood. But then I believe that knowledge is power and that when people are informed, they will not misinterpret nor misunderstand these practices and they will be empowered. And empowered people are not so susceptible to being exploited and misguided.

My journey with kundalini started when I was 17. I only realised this 20 years later. It was a long and at times very painful and lonely journey. During this time I trained as a spiritual healer and qualified in many modalities, started a healing practise, a wisdom school, a training school for spiritual healers, trained in shamanic practises, followed many many paths and finally, trained as a shaktipat guru and a tantra yoga guru. My transformations and awakenings were marked by traumatic events - nothing graceful about any of it! I learned through facing many things that I really did not want to face and suffered while I resisted.

Everything has only fallen into place and the pieces of the puzzle has made a wonderful clear divine picture, the last year of my life. I have finally and completely left the wilderness and I now feel ready to share this journey with you. I would like to help you understand the symbols, the context, the concepts and the hidden meaning of Kundalini, Goddess and the Light Within. It is a very practical and physical journey. There is no separation between you and Spirit - it is all you. Every human being is awakened, but unaware of this. And buried in this unawareness, are all the beliefs and superstitions and misconceptions and often this ignorance is exploited by gurus and teachers for their own purposes and their own agendas of personal power.

My journey is now at year 51, so I will share it with you here in stages. It will not be written in chronicle order, but in a circular way, the creative way.

While I was going through all these phases and stages, I did not know what was happening and no-one could enlighten me or liberate me. Awakening and its unfolding is such a personal matter and also shaped through the direct experiences and perceptions of the personality. I also found that all the books that I read, was virtually written in a 'code'. None of those that I read referred to Kundalini and her powerful and transformative power. But then those were the books that I were drawn to and today i can see how She guided me in a wonderful roundabout way to get to know her intimately and to live her, before introducing me to the concepts.

If you have been following my story on these blog pages or on my other blogs (see the links on the front page of this blog) then you will know that I entered life as a highly sensitive and psychic human being. I have always been drawn to the occult, mysticism, naturopathy and anything mysterious and unknown and alternative. I explored tarot and astrology after I left school - these were not encouraged while I was still living at home - and I always retained my ability to see auras and energy and my strong prophetic powers.

At the age of 17 everything changed for me. I went through a very painful traumatic event, one which I buried very deeply in my subconscious, only to be remembered again when I was 36. This had a huge impact on my energetic system and indeed awakened my kundalini. I suffered many symptoms for years and then finally suppressed them all in order to focus on my career. This chapter in my life deserves a full chapter in this story and I will write more about it later on.

I became caught up in the material world of career and it was only after I had my first two children and I became a full time mother that things started stirring again. I became ill. For three years I was in and out of hospital. The doctors could not establish what was wrong with me. I regularly passed out or had incredibly high temperatures and fits brought on by the fever. But without an infection to treat. I started looking for answers and help and started to study herbs and alternative remedies and thus the spiritual pursuit started.

A few years later I began a meditation practice in all earnest. I meditated daily for about an hour and I studied pranayama (breath control meditation) and a variety of types of meditation.

I joined a meditation group under the guidance of a Sai Baba devotee. At the very first session that I joined in, various extra-ordinary phenomenon took place. A wind started blowing in the room, the curtains billowed (although the windows were closed and there was no wind in the room), an incredible smell of vanilla like baked cookies, filled the room. It was noticeable to everyone. None of us had any real esoteric knowledge or knew too much about energy, but we knew that this was out of the ordinary.

Very soon into the meditation I started seeing the colour blue and this became blue glass bottles, blue tiles, and very detailed images of blue glass. Again, not one of us had a clue what this means and presumed that I had an over-active mind. Soon, these visions became faces and then these faces started speaking to me. I started to read up about these phenomenon and learnt that the smell of vanilla and the blowing wind are both signs of the presence of Spirit. Some called it the Holy Spirit or angels. Blue coloured glass is a symbol of the presence of Archangel Michael. And indeed, very soon after that Archangel Michael and many of the Ascended Masters started to make contact with me. For a few years I spent a lot of time channeling their messages and this was how I came to put my course Freedom through Love together and also my healing system which was called Shekinah Healing.

My life was co-ordinated by synchronicity and clues. I was guided in dreams to find the right books in the exact places as described in my dreams. I would dream the cover of a book and its entire index of contents. I would 'download' entire lectures for my students - often writing right through the night or being woken up at four in the morning.

These were very intense inner times and I experienced incredible pressure within. I often suffered from severe depression and crying spells that would last for weeks. At times I felt very abandoned and isolated. I also often felt that I was caught up in an alternative world, almost like Alice in Wonderland, and that I could not communicate my experiences to others. I did try, but obviously, it is different for the one listening to the story. I never felt 'grounded' nor completely present and I also had this very expanded awareness, seeing way beyond the physical.

About a year after I started studying spirituality and meditation, my meditations changed. Where others had to be persuaded to meditate, I was almost obsessed. I spent hours in my small meditation room, absorbed into myself. Sometimes I was given symbols, which i wrote down. Sometimes I was given guidance about my life and sometimes I was shown events as on the surface of a water well.

But mostly I was drawn deeper and deeper into this state of no-thingness. The type of meditation that I naturally followed, was the one-pointed focus meditation of complete nothingness. I used my breath to let go and to clear the mind and then I just allowed the process and it was an experience of absolute complete freedom and bliss - of being nowhere, but still present, of pure awareness. These early days of pure awareness really helped me later on in my journey when the hard work of clearing the subconscious started!!

Then my meditations changed. I started experiencing physical sensations during meditation. I had no idea how to deal with these. I also struggled to get any input from any other meditators - no-one had any advice or information about what is happening to me. These physical sensations became more intense and insistent and they became incredible sexual energy rising in my body. This really stumped me. All my Christian training and conditioning of believing in saints, purity, and the separation of sex and God, flooded into me. I felt so confused and became hesitant to meditate. I started visiting alternative therapists, and my word, was I bombarded with theories!

I was told that there was a curse on my sacral chakra; that I carried all kinds of memories and energies in my sacral and solar plexus energies indicating all types of abuse of power and so on. In hindsight, and as my journey unfolded, I could see what they based their prognosis on, but I now also know the full picture and what I was given was a distorted piece of the puzzle. But then, all is as it should be, and this was also what I needed to intensify my quest.

At more or less the same time, strange things started happening around me. My printer would go on and off and flash 1:1:1 incessantly. I would wake up at night, in the room next door, and hear the printer turning on and off, moving its carriage back and forth and beeping those numbers. This continued for months. My electric garage door would open and close, so would the electric gate. At times oranges would fly off my coffee table. And then the fires started. Four spontaneous fires started in my house. I still own two of the small tables that caught fire. In each case it was an ornamental fabric angel that caught fire : twice in my bedroom.

At this stage I related everything in my life to angels. In hindsight, I now know that this kept me locked into a purist, separatist way of thinking and it also kept me in an intellectual way of looking at life and spirituality. One by one, angel ornaments in my house broke. At that stage I had been A Course in Miracles teacher for five years and I had just celebrated my fortieth birthday. I think every student of mine brought me an angel ornament as I was absolutely obsessed with angels.

In a matter of one week about 25 angels broke. Wings fell off, angels fell from the wall, the cleaning lady knocked one over and so the list continued.

During this time my psychic senses expanded and honed. I started seeing 'blue' and 'grey' beings, not only glowing angels of light. I was working as a spiritual healer and I could no longer ignore the darkness in people's auras where disease was stuck or the bitter emotions and pain that they carried with them and that kept them in a painful spiral. And on the morning of 11 September 2001 as I was standing in my healing room, a 'curtain' opened and i saw the most incredible sight of pain, people crying, desperation and an all-pervading darkness. I also saw beings which i could only describe as 'demons'. And this was an incredible awakening for me. I have never believed in 'demons' or the darkness, as such. I had completely immersed myself in ACIM and a positive thinking, idealistic world where only angels existed. A few hours later on the television i watched the scenes of the Twin Towers collapsing and I recognised my vision.

In that moment, the penny dropped. I am being told something! I need to look elsewhere. I am being called onto a different path.

...... She calls me to make drastic changes in my life! I felt that I have to leave everything as I knew it - close down my healing practise, my wisdom school and withdraw from the world! and then only did she introduce herself. The next chapter will follow tomorrow.

thank you for reading and please come back for the rest of the story. blessings on you.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Freedom through Love

Freedom through Love

Surrrendering to God (the Unknown and Unknowable) requires an unwavering faith and trust in the Absolute Goodness of God.

Surrender is the key to unveiling the Truth of Oneness, so why would the mind not allow you to surrender instantly? The obvious answer is ‘fear’, but then, fear of what? Fear of God. The fear of God is implicit in the creation of a seemingly separate human mind – one that has its own personal perceptions based on personal experience. Therefore a very valid point of view, seen from the mind’s perspective, to not willingly surrender to that which is Unknown and Unknowable – would you not agree?

The mind cannot know God and that is where the problem lies. As long as you rely on your mind and its perceptions based on its own limited belief systems, you will not even be able to contemplate the nature of God. The direct experience of God will give you the taste of what you are seeking – it will satisfy the yearning of your heart and the longing of your soul. You will not be able to explain God in words or concepts and this is because God is not an idea! God IS. God IS at all times, whether you are consciously aware of this or not. God IS.

And the paradox is that the more you empty your mind, in order to step into the IS, the more you will get to know your mind and the less attached you will become to its content and belief systems.

How do you empty your mind and start this journey on a daily basis? There are various forms of meditation, but it is not necessary to move into an ashram, or to withdraw from life and to acquire vast meditation skills. In fact, when you do any of the above, you are creating another belief system and really, to know God, you have to step into a life ‘beyond belief’. You have to let go of all belief systems, so be conscious of which new belief systems you are creating.

It can be as simple as becoming aware of each and every moment. Take fifteen minutes in the morning and fifteen minutes at night (before sleep) and sit with your breath. In this time, focus on the in and out breath. No pranayama, no manipulation of the breath, just a rythmic breath. As you breath in and out, be present and be aware, be willing to BE WITH the breath, and to be with yourself and thus to be with God. Yes, to be with God! as you, without judgement, without the need to improve yourself, without goals, without striving, just BE. It is said that God is closer than your own breath. In the Hindu tradition, the God Shiva (Siva) is an anagram of Vasi (breath) – surely you can see that there is a message here. God is not a separate entity ‘out there’; neither is God a being, limited to duality and good and bad. God IS. And only you can know God, by knowing yourself.

As you become conscious of the moment, you will become conscious of certain thoughts and feelings. Do not fight these. Do not engage these. These are all part of the ‘story’; the story that you wrote and continue to write about yourself. Let them arise to the surface of the mind like bubbles and let them be. ‘This too shall pass’. It may take a while to trust the process, but eventually the clouds will start to clear. You may not have any immediate insights, but you will notice new feelings, a new sense of lightness, a more positive outlook, and so on.

The truth is that you are not separate from God. God is both within and without. God is everything. Even by using the word God I am projecting a series of beliefs and adjectives in your mind, but to communicate, we need words. You can replace the word ‘god’ with Love, or Peace, or Christ, or Goddess, or Light. Most of these have already been claimed by spiritual and religious traditions, so once again, you are limiting your knowledge of the Divine. So there is only one way, and that is to go beyond – to go beyond the mind.

In The Cloud of Unknowing, a work by an unknown Christian monk, he says that the mind creates the Cloud of Unknowing, which obscures the knowledge of God and in order to clear this cloud, you have to put everything else into the Cloud of Forgetting.

This is a wonderfully simple analogy for exactly how I am with and know the Self.

The mind likes to and wants to understand and interpret, in order to organise, structure and mainly to control. The mind believes that when things are not going according to its plans and goals and expectations, that it is doing something wrong. You, as servant to the mind, then start to ‘do’ in order to bring seeming order back to the chaos. But chaos is needed to create, so unless, you can allow the chaos, you can not live a creative life, and your inner world will become a wasteland. You will feel trapped by external routines and seemingly limited choices. As long you try to interpret and understand, you are analysing and ‘filing’ and adding to the ‘story’. You always have a choice whether you look at a glass as half-full or half empty. You have the same power when it comes to writing your story. You can have exactly the same childhood as someone else, but based on your perception, your personality, your expectations, you will write a different story about your life and more importantly, about yourself, than someone else. But eventually, you only become a character in this story, and you are written by the story line that you set in motion a long time ago. Your choices become limited, your reactions become predictable and the people that you attract in your life, are all seemingly the same character, just in different dress-up every time. These characters are usually the Big Bad Wolf, or the Evil Stepmother or the jealous Ugly Stepsister or the Fisher King and so on.

So, how to change the story? How to undo the storyboard and how to step off the page? Through surrender.

Surrender does not mean that you just ‘give up’ and become downtrodden and despondent and despaired – well, sometimes it does. But not for this exercise.

To understand the meaning of surrender in this context, please visualise a triangle. See the one leg of the triangle in the ‘negative’ and the other leg of the triangle in the ‘positive’ and then see the apex of the triangle in the centre, high above it all. The apex of the triangle I like to call ‘High Thinking’ (the Absolute, Union, Unity Consciousness, at-one with God). All three points of the triangle is ‘true’ for you, the human being. You are standing with two legs in duality and your Soul is in God. If you keep your head in God as well, whilst going about your daily life, in full acceptance of everything as IS, you are living in surrender. And then you are holding the golden key to Self-Realisation.

Remember, life is energy before it is matter. So make sure that whatever you are giving energy to, really matters.

Thoughts and emotions are prayers, sent without end, setting your intent and ‘want’ to your Higher Self.

So, place your story and all its characters, into the cloud of forgetfullness. Leave it behind. Let it go. Over and over. Put down that heavy suitcase, throw out the baggage, and walk away, mentally and emotionally and step into Freedom. All of this is possible through Love.

This will mean that you suspend all judgement. When something happens to you, you step into the witness, into the apex of the triangle and you observe yourself. You observe your reactions, the feelings of pain and hurt, or anger and explosiveness. You do not have to fight or resist these feelings. You accept them. It is our resistance to our feelings that cause the suffering. Suffering is on-going pain and repression. When you allow yourself to feel the pain, the be at the centre of the feelings, without resistance and without fear, they will dissolve. Like mist in front of the Sun! You will most probably not be able to stay in the witness in the beginning, but you can go back to your High Throne in the Sun. When you become aware that you are fully engaged in flurry and intensity of the feelings, then you can return to the apex of the triangle, without judgement of self. When you release all judgement of the self that is still in the thick of the duality, compassion will enter its space.

The first time true acceptance and compassion floods your heart and being, it washes your mind of the fog and a sweetness, such as only known in love at first sight, enters your being. This absolute sweetness is Love, God, and ultimately your True Self. Once you have known this sweetness, this incredibly tender, absolute Love, you will want more and more. And your subconscious will find the way to deliver more to you!

Remember, through surrender, you are activating the principle of Love. The Principle of Love, is God, the Soul, Christ Consciousness, Guru (disspeller of darkness). The Principle of Love is intelligent and its goal and ultimate destiny is your Self-Realisation! It wants you to wake up from the nightmare and to participate fully in this Experience. Once Love has been activated, It will take control as much as you can allow. It will become your Guru, your Guru, your Lover, your Beloved and your divine Parent and It will bring you exactly what you need at all times.

So do not put off surrender. Take the risk. It is said that when you jump off the cliff, thousands of angels will be there to provide wings for your flight. Step into Freedom, over and over, and eventually you will remember and it will be a constant state of Love!

Awake to Pure Joy

Awake to Pure Joy!

Spiritual teachings can become very esoteric and confusing at times. I have often experienced that when I have an illuminating insight or a-ha moment, that I say, but it is so simple and so obvious : I knew this all along! Having said that, I do realise that that is the essence of awakening, "I knew this all along', but I persist in my optimist thinking that if someone explains it really well and clearly to you, you will be able to drop everything, pick up your bed and follow the Master Within.

And indeed, I have been privilege to witness this many times in my journey as teacher and healer.

When I was still engaged in a spiritual pursuit, I often became confused with the whole positive thinking attitude. It used to feel like denial or 'pretending'. And indeed, one of my mottos used to be 'fake it till you make it'. I also found it confusing that sages teach that the duality is an illusion and that there is Oneness beyond this world. None of this seemed to have much effect on my chronic and debilitating depression. I often became so entangled in my own mind and its struggles to figure this paradox out, but I could not conquer this dark teacher of mine. And indeed, that is the secret! You are not meant to conquer the dark teacher, but you are to 'give up', surrender, hand over. When you accept that whatever you are battling is bigger than you, and that you cannot overcome it with your own ego-mind and your personal willpower and control, and that indeed you need a Power greater than yourself, then you are enabling the divine power. That is the moment that the tide will start to turn. In that moment you understand your own limitations and by implication that there is an unlimited power available to yourself.

It is pointless to get involved in the word play of but "I am God' or All is One or there is no power outside of myself. Until such knowledge is true Knowledge (a divine knowing that is your essence), the mind will use these concepts to strangle you and drag you down into the quagmire of despair.

Whilst the ego-mind is still involved in duality, there is no such thing as neutral thinking. At that stage it is all a concept for the mind and concepts, as liberating as they may seem, are the mental prison creators. You cannot think in oneness or advaita. Oneness or Advaita is a consciousness, a state of being and once it is established, the perception and experience of duality falls away. This does not happen in the blink of an eye, but takes time to unfold and to be integrated by the self.

So, back to false neutrality. In duality, everything is in opposites. And you have to choose. Not choosing is opting out!! You have to participate, otherwise choices will be made for you and you will become a victim of the mass consciousness and your boat will be dragged down with the prevailing tides. And this is one of the places where your personal power comes in : choose positive and expansive and all-embracing!

What does it feel like when you are in the awakened radiance of life? It is joy, pure joy! And everything is experienced as 'positive' for the lack of a better word. In fact, negative just does not exist.

And now the next part will explain why spiritual teachings can be so confusing. In simple language, it is 'what came first, the chicken or the egg'. Or the symbol of the ouroboros, the snake eating its own tail, often symbolises for me what is so difficult to put into words. Cause and effect, beginning and end, are not linear. The one does not lead directly to the other, or follow on the other.

For instance, are you feeling depressed because of something that happened to you, or are you feeling depressed because of your own thinking and years of conditioned beliefs and habits (those constitute the ego-mind which is discernible in your aura). The answer is probably both, but which came first. And this is virtually impossible to identify. You are born to a set of parents, then you are raised by parents, guardians, a society, a culture, a religion and so on. You are in a body that is imprinted with seven generations of tendencies and DNA. You go through painful and traumatic experiences which imprint you with defensive beliefs and habits. And so the odds are stacked against you.

However, this 'parcel' is your daimon, your sacred opponent, your lucifer. When you can accept and eventually know that you are not walking alone, that your Soul and your daimon are one and the same, everything changes. Duality drops away. There is no difference between light and dark. They both serve you.

Without a challenger or opponent, you would not participate with such vigour and intent. How often would you do real deep soul searching if you were not unhappy or miserable. When things are not going your way and you feel frustrated and anxious?

Our dark side, or our shadow, are a part of our sacred selves. It is not something to be resisted or despised. Our needs and passions, are that which attracts us down the path of life, and eventually into the heart of Love and awakened joy!

We are the two faces of Janus. We are the dark and the light. We are happiness and unhappiness. Accepting this duality is the first step to awakening. When you stop resisting and defending against your lucifer*, you enable the self-limiting concept of separation to dissolve. By giving up the war on yourself, and the way things are, you become freed from rigid control.

Your essence is happiness and joy. Your essence knows itself as both pain and pleasure. And paradoxically, your efforts to make this happen, becomes your greatest obstacle. Your greatest power lies in letting go of your ideas of how things should be. Distance yourself from the ego-mind and its demands, and become the witness. Every day, despite how hard it is, participate in life through life-affirming thoughts and actions. Reach out to others and touch their lives in whatever positive way you can. Remind yourself that life is fragile and unpredictable and not to be taken for granted. Move into hope and trust that joy will soon be yours. This is your power and the smallest ray of hope mobilises the divine forces of love.

*lucifer is the word for a match - it means bringer of the light - when you strike a match in the darkness, you can see.