So we are still meandering through the forest, collecting the clues that Life left for me. I promise you that each and every part of the story that I share here with you, links back to Kundalini, to the Presence of Love within each one of us and to my personal guide and Beloved, Mary.
Very little is known about kundalini other than by direct experience and gnosis. Kundalini only became part of my vocabulary four years ago and only then did I Realise that all these miracles and manifestations of the Presence in my life, was indeed the presence of Kundalini. And that the knowledge of kundalini has always been hidden, in plain sight, in all religions of the world.
In the early days of my spiritual quest, I formed a small weekly meditation group with other spiritual teachers and healers - to serve as a support group for ourselves. During this time I was very aware of the presence of a woman (in the spiritual dimension) wearing blue and white linen clothing. She was veiled and had the most beautiful glowing face and gentle manner. My one clairvoyant friend did suggest that this may be Mary, but neither of us took it seriously. My friend was raised in a very rigid conservative church and was still trying to free herself from many of her limiting beliefs and intense fear of meditation and anything alternative.
My own focus was on the esoteric teachings of certain of the Ascended masters as described by the Theosophists. I spent much time researching Madame Blavatsky and her teachings of Master R, Dwal Kuhl and other eastern masters. And indeed, this was where my focus was : East. And then, of course, ACIM, does not include Mary, nor any other female masters. It is based on the male trinity of the christian Bible. AND on top of it all, I was raised in an Afrikaans Dutch Reformed christian culture and society : the Roman church was classified as one of the real dangers of our modern world. The one was communism and Russia, and the other the Roman Catholic church - my father loudly and often pronounced them as the 'Rooi Gevaar', the Red Danger. So there was absolutely no possibility that Mary would hang out with me, as romantic as this may have seemed.
I started a small weekly gathering at my house. The size of the group grew and grew until we were too big for the sitting room. We moved out onto the patio of the house. The informal gathering turned into a weekly Course in Miracles class and this is when the appearances of the doves started.
At first I often noticed a dove sitting at the window when I meditate. Sometimes the dove would peck on the glass. At other times it would fly repeatedly against the window pane, making a huge noise with the flapping of its wings.
Then an extraordinary appearance of the doves. The roofed in patio runs the length of the front of my house and it had no side walls and was open to the front facing into the garden. We sat around the length of the three tables that I put next to one another to seat the 30 plus women. As we started the morning with a contemplation, first one dove and often a second, would fly in on the one side of the patio and across the table, right through our oval-shaped circle, and out the other side! and then, always, later in the morning, another dove would fly over the table! and often we could relate the appearance of the third dove to what was being said at that point.
This became a regular miracle and event.
And the appearance of the doves grew. At least once a week I had to shoo a dove out of the house. Whenever we left any of the doors open, a dove would fly in. At times, I found more than one dove in the house and my main concern was always to prevent the cats from catching them.
I knew that Divine Spirit was talking to me. No-one could ignore these messengers. I did not know what I was being told. I started doing research on the meaning of doves. It is a very powerful messenger of peace and love. It is a symbol of the Holy Spirit or the Holy Ghost. The dove descended after the baptism of fire - the Biblical reference to the awakening of Kundalini.
The dove was a symbol of Aphrodite, the goddess of Love. she who was born in the sea, the ocean (Mares).
Years later I started painting. One of my first paintings was the blue painting of the Madonna. The image and story is also on my sacred art blog Her Grace.
I left the painting on the easel to dry in the dining room as it is a very sunny room. The next morning there were scattered dove feathers lying around and a dove sitting on the painting. All the doors and windows were locked before we went to bed. Also, if you look closely at the photograph of the painting, you will be able to see that the dove left its droppings on the corner of the painting. These droppings are still on the painting which is now hanging in my bedroom. (I have the most beautiful photograph on my phone, taken a few weeks ago, of a dove sitting on the chandelier in my bedroom)
The rest of my family decided that a window must have been left open. How else can a dove appear in a locked house? I moved the painting on the easel to my studio. This was a four walled room unlike the open plan dining room.
The next morning, when I opened the door of the studio, a dove was sitting on the painting!! This time there was no doubt - all the windows and the door had been shut! The dove had manifested in the room and left another mark on the painting. I had the painting framed and asked the shop not to clean the dove droppings off.
When I got the painting back, I hanged it on the wall in the same dining room. For three mornings after that, a dove was in the dining room. My husband politely asked me to please keep the painting in my studio as the dining room table was covered in bird droppings every morning! No-one needed any convincing that it indeed was Her Spirit and Presence that manifested the dove, her messenger of love and compassion!
Seven years later, I found myself entangled in a spiritual tradition and serving in a spiritual organisation which caused many conflicting and confusing feelings and thoughts. When I look back, it seems almost surreal. I felt mesmerised and enthralled at the same time - much like I would imagine a moth feels when drawn to the flame of a candle which will surely end its life. During this time I knew myself as Persephone, entombed in the Underworld with the powerful and seductive Hades, and I feared that I had eaten more than only three pomegranate seeds. (I blogged a bit about this metaphorical time in my life elsewhere).
I was in an apartment in Dubai, on one of the highest floors of a very tall apartment building. At this stage I was still in the enthralled moth stage of the journey and I sensed danger, but was not sure how to pinpoint the source of the danger. I was there as a guru and healer and I sat in meditation as people came one by one for healing or a prophetic vision or for wisdom. My inner voice told me to open my eyes and as I looked out the window, there was an enormous white dove sitting on the tiny balcony, many feet up in the sky, in the middle of a desert city, looking at me!!
This was an unusual event, as many of those present, reacted with awe and amazement at the presence of the dove.
A few days ago, I unpacked some of my childhood treasures. I found the two books that were the most powerful allies that Spirit gave me for this adventure. The one was 'In this house of Brede' - more about that later, and the other was 'Hansel and Gretel'.
I wrote about the significance of the dove in this childhood keepsake. I post a part of it here - if you want to read the full blog, please read 'Faith" on this blog.
The book is one of those 3D pop up books with bits n pieces that can move! absolute magic, when I was five years old. I have kept this book all these years and today I took it out to use in an art project. .
The one thing that I noticed for the first time is that on each and every page of the book is a picture of the white dove! I cannot recall having noticed it particularly. As I sat with the book and allowed myself to be absorbed into those magical pages again, I allowed myself to fall into a deep state of contemplation, letting go of my adult mind and senses.
I slowly paged through the book and allowed the memories to speak to me. And the little white bird became my guide; it shone with a luminosity and I saw how it formed a thread between the pages. I felt my child's mind and heart resonate with the feelings of Hansel and Gretel (the fairy tale of the book). Their sadness at the plight of their family; their deep feelings of fear at being lost and abandoned in the woods; their horror when they realise that it is a witch that has outwitted them; Hansel's desperation at being locked up and his sister's empathy. And in each of these situations and feelings I found myself. All those feelings were my own. I walked in the darkness with them and throughout it all, the little white bird shone with a message. What is the message? Where is this little white bird taking me? What is it telling me?
I paged to the most horrible and thrilling at the same time, page of the book : where Gretel shoves the witch into the fire! And there the little white bird is sitting on the corner of the oven!
And then it dawned on me : the little white bird (the white dove in fact) is the symbol of Hope and Faith! Even without knowing the symbology, the five year old me knew the meaning of that little white bird.
And nothing has changed. Look around you. Wherever you are, whatever you are going through : the little white bird is with you. It may look different to my white dove, but Hope and Faith's messengers are always with you. That small still voice inside your heart, is also in your outer world. Maybe the messenger comes in the form of a friend with a supportive word; or in a line in a book that really jumps out at you; or a new blossom on the fruit tree or a new song on the radio. There is no separation between your inner and outer worlds.
The Divine Power that loves you unconditionally, leaves bread crumbs for you to guide you back home. Home is that place within yourself, where you feel safe and nurtured. Home within exists at all times.